Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling, and no relationship is created between the show host or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
[00:00:42] Speaker B: Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Bama Balance and happy early Valentine's Day. I'm Nick Smith.
[00:00:49] Speaker C: I'm Johnny Foster.
[00:00:50] Speaker D: And I'm Dr. Tony Perez.
[00:00:52] Speaker B: Like I said, this is our Valentine's day episode. So Dr. Perez wanted to start off with some trivia.
[00:00:59] Speaker D: Yeah. Yeah. I thought it'd be kind of fun to introduce a topic or just break us all into that mindset of Valentine's Day. And you guys are smiling. Why are you guys smiling?
We haven't started talking, and you guys are smiling. So when you think of Valentine's Day, what do you think of? What are the things that come to mind for you?
[00:01:22] Speaker C: I think the first thing that immediately hits the brain is the colors. Pink and red.
[00:01:27] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:01:27] Speaker C: You know, just like, in, like, the heart shape. I feel like, you know, always you go. You walk into any store, it's. That's the first. It's like a. It's a flood of hearts and chocolates and pinks and reds and different hues of those colors. That's the first thing that kind of hits.
[00:01:43] Speaker D: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:01:44] Speaker B: For me, my girlfriend Abby, if you're listening. What up?
[00:01:48] Speaker D: Oh, shout out.
[00:01:49] Speaker B: All right. No, I. I agree. I think it's like everybody just kind of has a picture in their mind of maybe the Valentine's Day candy from. From elementary school. When you. Did y'all do that?
[00:02:01] Speaker C: Oh, the shoeboxes.
[00:02:02] Speaker D: Oh, that's right. Yeah.
[00:02:03] Speaker C: That was the best day ever.
[00:02:05] Speaker D: I haven't done that.
[00:02:06] Speaker C: So much candy. It was like an early. It was like an early Halloween because you get all the. Oh, gosh. I remember I tell everybody to bring all the fun dip to my. My shoebox. Yeah, I always.
[00:02:17] Speaker B: That was the hottest commodity.
[00:02:18] Speaker C: Oh, man, I forgot about so horrible.
[00:02:21] Speaker B: If you brought. If you brought the fun dip, you were like, everybody. Favorite kid. Yeah.
[00:02:26] Speaker D: So this. So I'm going to date myself. What is fun dip?
[00:02:30] Speaker C: I mean, it's like, literally a packet of sugar.
[00:02:33] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:02:34] Speaker C: And to make it even worse, the. The spoon. The dipping device is like a. What would you.
[00:02:40] Speaker B: It's it's sugar. It's like a bar of sugar.
[00:02:43] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:02:44] Speaker D: All right.
[00:02:44] Speaker B: But it's like powdered and dyed sugar.
[00:02:48] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:02:49] Speaker B: And you. You lick the thing and then you dip it.
[00:02:51] Speaker C: God, it was so good.
[00:02:52] Speaker D: Is it like sweet, sour, tangy?
[00:02:54] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:02:54] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:02:54] Speaker C: And you'd also, like, stain your mouth for the.
[00:02:57] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. The two.
[00:02:58] Speaker C: The two main colors they had was this. This tealish color and then this bright pink or bright red.
[00:03:05] Speaker D: Right.
[00:03:06] Speaker C: So you pick your poison on what you want your mouth for the rest of the day, literally.
[00:03:10] Speaker B: Were you. Were you a pink or a. I.
[00:03:13] Speaker C: Was a blue guy.
[00:03:13] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who did you have? Gosh, I remember. I remember those Valentine's Day shoe boxes and you decorated them and.
[00:03:23] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, yeah, right.
[00:03:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:03:24] Speaker D: Dropped Valentine's and totally your friends. Who. Who's your first Valentine's Day crush?
[00:03:30] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh.
[00:03:31] Speaker B: My girlfriend.
[00:03:33] Speaker D: Really? No, really?
[00:03:35] Speaker C: I don't even.
[00:03:35] Speaker D: That's good.
[00:03:36] Speaker C: I think I was so worried about the candy. I was like, as long as, like, if you didn't drop the candy in my. In my shoebox, then I had it, then you were never going to be my friend again. Oh, I think I was. I was mainly looking for that rather than specific person. I really don't even know.
[00:03:51] Speaker B: Yeah, I didn't ever, like, think, oh, I'm going to drop the fun dip.
[00:03:54] Speaker D: Right.
[00:03:55] Speaker B: Box.
[00:03:56] Speaker C: Right, right.
[00:03:57] Speaker B: It was more about the candy. Then go.
[00:03:59] Speaker D: I don't even remember the candy. I remember, though, like, there were these two twins.
[00:04:04] Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
[00:04:05] Speaker D: This is probably third grade or something like that.
[00:04:07] Speaker C: So that's crazy that it stuck, though.
[00:04:09] Speaker D: Let me tell you. So one is now, I think, a state trooper.
[00:04:14] Speaker C: Whoa.
[00:04:14] Speaker D: The last.
[00:04:15] Speaker B: That's crazy.
[00:04:15] Speaker D: I found the last I knew. And I think the other one is, like, like a physician or something.
[00:04:21] Speaker C: Oh, okay.
[00:04:23] Speaker D: Yeah. That was a while ago.
[00:04:25] Speaker C: Totally.
[00:04:25] Speaker D: Wow. That brought back some memories.
[00:04:26] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:04:27] Speaker B: You kept up with them, right?
[00:04:29] Speaker D: Well, it's been a while. It has been a while, so. But.
But I do have now, I guess, an excuse if I ever get a speeding ticket and they stop me.
[00:04:41] Speaker C: My Valentine.
[00:04:41] Speaker D: My Valentine's. That's right. I don't know. They know.
[00:04:43] Speaker B: Brenda De Force.
[00:04:44] Speaker D: That's right. That's right.
So a couple. A couple of things to also kind of kick off this Valentine's Day episode or just to see how up you guys are on your Valentine's Day trivia. Okay, so you ready?
[00:04:57] Speaker C: Let's do it.
[00:04:57] Speaker D: All right. So in the movie Titan.
[00:05:00] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:05:01] Speaker D: What's the name of Rose's necklace?
[00:05:04] Speaker C: Oh, it's the Heart of the sea. Is it the heart of the sea or the.
[00:05:08] Speaker D: That's so good. The heart of the ocean.
[00:05:10] Speaker C: Heart of the ocean, Johnny.
[00:05:11] Speaker D: Nice. If we had a bell, we'd ding you in. All right, that's a point for you.
On average, how many times does the heart beat per day?
[00:05:22] Speaker B: Oh, gosh, I think the average per minute. No, that's gonna. That's way too much math.
[00:05:30] Speaker C: I'm gonna try to do it.
[00:05:31] Speaker D: Yeah, I can tell.
[00:05:33] Speaker B: I'm gonna guess 64, 000 times.
[00:05:37] Speaker C: Let's go 3,000.
[00:05:41] Speaker D: 3,000?
[00:05:42] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:05:43] Speaker D: Not quite 3,000. Almost twice of what you said, Nick. About a hundred thousand.
About a hundred thousand.
And this. This is according to today's show trivia.
[00:05:53] Speaker B: It would be like 80 times a minute on average.
[00:05:55] Speaker C: Yeah. Okay.
[00:05:57] Speaker D: Yeah. Yeah. So 3,000 is. You're either particularly fantastic.
[00:06:02] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:06:03] Speaker D: Or something else. Yeah. The.
The diminutive people with peculiar hairstyles who work in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory are called Oompa Loompas.
[00:06:15] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:06:17] Speaker B: Why is that, Valentine? Oh, candy.
[00:06:19] Speaker D: Candy. Right. Candy. And then the last one I have is.
This is again, sort of free market economy.
This store has their Valentine's day hearts in bloom specialty, their hearts in bloom specialty that includes two make my daisy donuts, two blooming heart donuts, two love you bunches donuts, two you are my sunshine donuts, and four of their original glazed.
[00:06:46] Speaker B: I'm going to guess Krispy Kreme.
[00:06:47] Speaker D: There you go. Krispy Kreme. There you go.
[00:06:49] Speaker B: You lost me on that for a little bit.
[00:06:51] Speaker D: I know, I know.
[00:06:52] Speaker B: Original glaze. I was like, certainly. That's it.
[00:06:54] Speaker D: That's. That's Krispy Kreme. You guys did pretty well on that. Thank you.
[00:06:57] Speaker C: Yeah, that was a good way to start it off.
[00:06:59] Speaker D: Yeah. Yeah. No, it's a fun way to. To get into some of the things we'll talk about today on this episode.
[00:07:03] Speaker B: Yeah. So we'll be right back to talk about some relationships and more of what goes into Valentine's Day. This is the BAMA Balance.
[00:07:27] Speaker C: Wvuafm Tuscaloosa.
[00:07:30] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show host or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
[00:08:11] Speaker C: Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Bama Balance. And like we were talking about in the intro, we're just going to get into the differences in some relationships and what Valentine's Day really means to us. What it's kind of changed and morphed into over the years as we were talking about earlier used to be all about candy, and now it's a little bit more serious in some regard to where it actually is, you know, dedicating a day to your loved ones, which is really special. So it gives you time to really reflect on those who mean the most to you, which is pretty awesome.
[00:08:44] Speaker D: Mm.
[00:08:45] Speaker B: Yeah. I think that, like, a big idea around Valentine. Valentine's Day is, you know, your romantic relationships, but something that might be important to talk about or consider is, like, the relationships in general should be celebrated. So while we are, you know, paying attention to our significant others on Valentine's Day and celebrating them, it's also important to, you know, talk to your friends, your family, and, you know, wish them Happy Valentine's Day, because those relationships are just as important.
[00:09:18] Speaker D: Yeah. I think in particular, in college, it's hard to really see the scope of Valentine's Day. And we've all grown up with that notion of Valentine's Day as be with that special one or that person that you really love. And I think in college, particularly as you. As you develop really close relationships and friendships, there's this notion of this concept of Valentine's Us Day all, or Valentines Us all, which is something that.
A term that was coined by Esther Perel, who's a therapist out there. And that notion kind of captures the sense of Valentine's Day is not just only a day where you spend with your romantic partner, the person that you regard as special in your. In your romantic life, but how do you celebrate and how do you make special those relationships that are meaningful and close to you at that time? And.
And in college, there's so many different kinds of relationships in that way. And I don't know if it's. Is it. Is it something that you all that you think about during Valentine's Day, or is it strictly more kind of romantic relationships?
[00:10:39] Speaker C: I think as we've. As we've planned out these episodes for this podcast, it's made me. That made me think about relationships on Valentine's Day in a different light. But I think before that, I'd never really thought about wishing my bros a happy Valentine's Day.
But no, I think now that we're actually talking about relationships and how they're applicable to in so many different aspects of our lives that, no, it has maybe realize that my relationships with even my friends vary on a spectrum. You know, I kind of will say certain things with certain people or act a certain way or I guess show more of myself in a certain way and be more vulnerable around certain people.
But at the same time, like, I think that's kind of the beauty of having those different relationships is understanding kind of what is most meaningful to you. And Valentine's Day, while it is kind of, as you guys were alluding to, very focused and honed in on that special one, it is important to check yourself and understand, you know, am I. Am I being a good friend to these people? Am I going. Being a good, you know, teammate, or being a good podcast co host to people, being a good student to your teachers as well. So relationships come in a variety of different sizes and forms. So as we've been kind of building this, the schedule out, it's kind of forced me to. To think of myself as, you know, in a relationship with everyone, honestly, because, you know, relationship is. Can be, like I said, different sizes.
[00:12:21] Speaker D: So, yeah, it's interesting. Yeah, that's good.
[00:12:23] Speaker B: Yeah, I completely agree. I think, like, one of the main messages that we've been sending over these episodes is that relationships in general, whether that be romantic or friendships or family relationships or familial relationships, are, like, foundational to mental health and being mentally healthy. And to answer your question more directly, like, I definitely. My significant other is at the forefront of my mind. And, like, you know, dinner reservations, get the flowers planned in advance. Like, make sure that that's special. But, you know, also kind of like what Johnny's saying, like, beginning to recognize that Valentine's Day is a celebration of relationships and that more people should be, like, included in that, you know, to recognize that they're really helpful in your life and you appreciate them.
[00:13:19] Speaker D: Yeah, no, I really appreciate all of what both of you said. And again, echoing some of the things that we've talked about in previous episodes and in particular, when we talk about men's mental health, the things that really help to support, encourage, nurture and maintain our mental health, men's mental health on college are those relationships that we have, and I suspect that college men have a different way also of developing those relationships among each other with finding your own community. We've kind of talked a little bit about that before. How do you find your place? How do you find your community here at the university? Luke talked about that just in the last episode about the importance of finding your place and a connection.
I know that both of you being involved in the Greek community, I'm sure that that's been a pretty important community for you to find those connections. And I guess the, the, the, the thing I'm kind of curious about is how do you establish like, how do you go about making those kinds of close or special connections with other, with other college men?
[00:14:41] Speaker C: The, the first thing that comes to mind is kind of the, the, the joke that it really doesn't take a lot to become friends with another dude. You know, it's like you see each other in class and you just give each other a head nod and then that slowly progresses into like a, you know, a handshake, right? And it's like talking to each other and then, you know, you go out one time and it really hits it. Like I feel like, you know, really making an effort as a man is, is hard to do sometimes because we are, we are all. At least myself, I'm overthinking every single situation that I have with another, with another man. You know, are they sizing me up? Are they doing, you know, this to me, kind of messing with my head. But as I've realized throughout my years at the University of Alabama is that every guy here is in need of and wants a friend, regardless of what kind of, you know, who you associate with or you, who you have political wise, you know, Greek, non Greek.
I will say I think the Greek system really helped me whenever I first came to campus, you know, I was thrown to a group of, you know, 30 plus guys that I didn't know at all. And so that, that really helped me. But, but talking in, in terms of the broad scale of this university, there's, there's a lot of ways to really find other men that are wanting to have relationships, friendship and, you know, otherwise.
And so I think that's kind of the beauty of having such a large, having being a public university, being in the, the University of Alabama, you can find your niche in all those different regards. So though granted, you know, kind of jump start to it, right. Which I'm very, very fortunate of it. It's been fun to meet like, you know, I met Nick through SGA through a bunch of different pools. Same with you, Dr. Perez. So that's been cool for me.
[00:16:31] Speaker B: Yeah, I think, don't mean to just echo what Johnny says the whole podcast, but we had super similar getting started, like experiences, you know, starting off as somebody who's in a Greek chapter and then SGA and whatnot.
But I. Sometimes you're a little timid to start those relationships, but like it's the want to be friends with somebody or like that, that kind of communal feeling where you like, no, everybody really wants like relationships on campus. Makes it easier. And I think that was something that I kind of realized early on is like, everybody's a little nervous around campus, right? Like, especially when you're getting started off trying to find like your group of people. So like it's not that they're desperate but like they rec. Or like people recognize that there's something missing and they're searching for that type of thing. So like early on I think that just putting yourself out there is how I made friends. And then like as I've moved on it's been like friends of friends or like doing work with people or like sga kind of like collaborating on things and then like really enjoying that type of community and getting to know them a little bit outside of sj. But all in all, I think it's just intentional of putting your, your foot forward to do that type of thing.
[00:17:54] Speaker D: Kind of taking that initiative or being proactive. How do you, how do you make best friends?
[00:18:01] Speaker C: That's. That's the question, right? I mean, for a long time I was, I was the kind of person where I tried to be friends with everybody and didn't necessarily have a best friend or I had like a group of best friends. But now I still don't even think I've had one, you know, ride or die. I've had a group of guys that I've. That I've grown really close to in college and that I've, you know, retained throughout high school.
So I don't even know. I don't know if I have the key to finding having a best friend.
So I guess I'm kind of at a loss there. I wish I knew.
[00:18:36] Speaker D: Sounds like a group though.
[00:18:37] Speaker C: Yeah, I will say like the group friends. Yeah. Being in a group of a bunch of really good guys is, is in my opinion. That's why I have leaned towards being in a group setting rather than a one on one with, with one other guy. It's what I like more. The meshing of different personalities and interests is, is a lot more vast. And so I think it brings a cooler dynamic than one on one. But at the same time I still really cherish being in one on one situations. But no, it's been fun kind of exploring these different kind of relationships with one another and what we see in them has Been different, you know, but cool to understand how we view different relationships. So we'll get into that and more in the second segment. This has been the BAMA Balance.
Wvuafm, Tuscaloosa.
[00:19:42] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show hosts or guests and any listeners. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency.
[00:20:25] Speaker D: Welcome back, everybody, to the BAMA Balance. Real stories about college men's mental health. And I want to kind of pick up where we left off last segment. This notion of not just finding community, finding a sense of belonging and taking initiative to do that, but how. How can we be intentional in our friendships? Meaning that, you know, we talked about having a best friend or maybe having a group of best friends, but how do we be intentional about maintaining them?
How do we be intentional about being our genuine selves in them and all that it takes to keep those connections and those friendships?
[00:21:09] Speaker C: Yeah, I think it's for me, whenever I was a freshman coming into the University of Alabama, I kind of compartmentalized my different friendships.
And now that it's now I'm a senior, they've all meshed together. Which I think is the beautiful thing about this place is like, I came to Alabama, I was a part of freshman forum and didn't know a single soul in my 30, 40 person group. Got to meet a lot of them, and little did I know that they would be continuing through my academic and extracurricular career. Whether it's that we were in the same major or an SGA together or in another extracurricular that I happen to be a part of together.
But I think it was all about doing those programs is about being intentional on expanding your network and finding those friendships. Though it's hard and it's a little cheesy to just go up to somebody and hey, what's your major? What are you into? Which is always so brutal. And you know, both sides are like, all right, yeah.
But I mean, it's like that for a reason. Because at the end of the day, if you really do want to nurture and be intentional about that relationship, it can cultivate into something so awesome. And I've definitely been a part of some that have become so great and obviously some that fizzle out because it just doesn't work out, which isn't a bad thing. It's probably for the best, if anything. But no, being intentional about that stuff is so great. Nick, what have you. What have you, like, done to be intentional about your relationships that you've come from at the University of Alabama?
[00:22:50] Speaker B: Yeah, I think that for me, a lot of the maintaining kind of comes on the front end of a friendship, or I shouldn't say, like the very start. Right. I think that, like, my best friends understand me to a level of where it's like, I'm not the best texter. So they're not going to rely on me to text back super quickly or, like, shoot me or expect me to shoot them a text, like, hey, thinking about you type thing. But, you know, like, after I've built a relationship and I, you know, want to continue fostering that relationship to grow, I, like, put myself out there a little bit and I'm vulnerable with like, hey, this is like, who I am. These are the things that, like, get me down type thing. And obviously it's not like I'm listing them out to them or whatever, but, like, in conversation I just kind of explain, like, this is how I tick or whatever. And like, that understanding goes a long way in the, the maintenance of, of those relationships. Like, my best friends here, like, I don't know it, they don't hear from me for a little while, but as soon as they hear from me, it's like we're. We're back in the jump of things and, like, no hard feelings or anything like that. So.
[00:24:06] Speaker D: Yeah, they get you.
[00:24:07] Speaker B: Yeah, they know you.
[00:24:08] Speaker D: Yeah. I think that those close friendships, those persons in our lives that we regard as most special and our closest relationships, they just get us our faults and everything. They get us. One of my closest friends who I knew as an undergraduate, we reconnected recently at my visit to Boston and we hadn't seen each other maybe, gosh, well over 10, 15 years. I think it was probably the last time, maybe longer. And we texted, you know, back and forth every so often, but rarely had we ever talked on the phone. And again, we'd known each other since we were fresh, since we were freshmen, right, in college.
And when I visited Boston, had some time to meet up with him. And again, it was as if no time had passed between the two of us. We sort of picked up where we left off. We knew each other. So I think what I really appreciated about that was the specialness of that friendship, the history that we've had together as friends, going through the same pre med curriculum in college, and that brutality of it all, but also knowing that we can contact and connect with each other regardless of how much time has passed. I really am not the best regular phone caller or that kind of thing. And I think that because it does take work. That's the other thing about relationships and being intentional. It does take. Take work and effort. But I also think part of that effort is holding that person still in your mind, that they're special and that it's making a vow to reach out to them on their birthday or during holidays or something of that sort. Totally.
[00:26:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
My high school best friends, we won't talk to each other for months or whatever, but every so often I'll get a TikTok from them where it's like, hey, all this thought of you, that's cool. It's usually not like the nicest thing, but, like.
[00:26:30] Speaker D: But the thought is there.
[00:26:31] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:26:31] Speaker D: Right, Right.
[00:26:32] Speaker B: So just like, what you're saying, keeping that person special in your mind, where it's like, you know, something that you see reminds you of them or whatever. Like, I think that enough is.
[00:26:42] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:26:43] Speaker B: Important to like, kind of hold a space in your. In your head.
[00:26:47] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:26:47] Speaker B: Of like. Yeah, I really like this.
[00:26:49] Speaker D: Yeah. And not to forget, during the holidays, there's some other friends of mine that, again, that I've known since college, and they're in Florida and.
And while we don't talk every night or something like that, we know each other is there. Right.
[00:27:05] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:27:06] Speaker D: And they can count on me to be there for them when things happen if they need my support and vice versa.
[00:27:13] Speaker B: Right.
[00:27:13] Speaker D: So I think part of it is that we in these. In these pretty close relationships, being intentional about these friendships and these relationships means how do you maintain that connection? Doesn't necessarily. Necessarily mean how frequently, but how intentionally are you still engaged in that, in that relationship?
[00:27:35] Speaker B: Yeah, I think that, you know, for me, my relationships really grow with that vulnerability. I don't want to, like, be at a dead horse with what I'm saying, but I think, like, there's almost a barrier that you might hold with people that, like, you're cool with, but, like, not really friends with, like, that where, like, I'm not gonna necessarily put all my. My beef on the table. Right. But like, with my, My friends, I. I think that, like, opens a door for like, that type of, you know, if you need me, I'm here type thing where it's like, I'm comfortable talking to you, you can be comfortable talking to me, Right.
[00:28:12] Speaker C: I think building those different support networks is really important. Like, you need to have like you were talking about, you need to have that guy that's going to reality check you.
[00:28:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:28:19] Speaker C: Like, you know, you're getting all these, you're doing, you're doing all these great stuff, but you always need to have that gu. Come on.
I know you're not as professional as you seem to be.
[00:28:31] Speaker D: And too, if you think about it, those moments when you've maybe most needed a best friend or group of friends are the times when you may struggle or have a tough time. And I bet you could, like, if you think about it, those times when you've experienced real difficulty here at college and just needed somebody or a group of friends to rely on, I bet you've got those, those. I bet you could tell me who those are, right?
[00:28:57] Speaker C: Totally.
[00:28:58] Speaker D: I mean, you can, you don't have to tell me, but, but, but you know who those are.
[00:29:02] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:29:02] Speaker D: And, and why is it, how is it that you know who those are?
[00:29:06] Speaker C: For me, I always, I could always, my friends could always see whenever, like, you know, I had a lot of my plate, I was really busy or whatever.
They knew that the thing that I needed to do is laugh. And they, they didn't to have to ask me about my day to know that I, you know, you know, I was huffing and puffing, thinking it was a long day or whatever. But like, if, if they could crack me up, which was not hard.
I tend to, you know, I'm very, I can give people, I can make the worst jokes seem like it was hilarious, but that my, my group, my support group kind of knew that that was what I needed after a long day, after I was struggling with something was a good laugh. And then literally, I mean, that, that could turn my whole entire going to bed with a smile on my face from having a good interaction in my day really kept me carrying on to have to finish it out with a good week and then that would just carry on to, you know, longer periods of time, which is, which was so great. I'm so grateful for that, that I had a great support network around me that really knew me better than I thought I did.
[00:30:15] Speaker D: Yeah, that's good. That's good.
[00:30:17] Speaker B: Yeah. I think for me it's like, like when I kind of the idea of like they just, you know, get you right? And what Johnny was saying, it's like when I have a good thing that I want to share, like my, my guys are like the ones I want to tell first or like when I'm having a bad day, it's like I need to talk to somebody. Like, I'm gonna rely on, you know, this person, like my. My best friend. Right. So I think that it's just like the understanding that goes so, so far in those relationships and like, knowing who are, I guess, like my instinct of who I'm going to reach out to first.
[00:30:54] Speaker D: Right, yeah. They're so important. And again, I think that those relationships being intentional in those friendships are a real key to kind of coping through college, coping through life, really, and having those relationships, those close friendships available to you to lean on. And maybe they're the ones that we think of when we are in need of help and when we're struggling, but they're also the ones that we also turn around and provide our support to them when they're having a hard time as well. I think that's key to a lot of maintaining our mental health and maintaining our connections with the folks that are special in our lives. I know. We'll wrap up this segment here and we'll hopefully give you some tips and takeaways from what we've all learned as a part of this conversation. This is the BAMA Balance. Real stories about college men's mental health.
[00:32:12] Speaker C: Wvuafm, Tuscaloosa.
[00:32:15] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show host, hosts or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
[00:32:57] Speaker B: Everybody, welcome back to the BAMA Balance. In this last section, we kind of wanted to focus on kind of what we've talked about, what we've learned. I'm gonna pass it off to Johnny.
[00:33:08] Speaker C: Yeah, I think there's a lot of takeaways that we've had from this episode that have been really, really beneficial, really eye opening for me, even that even when we've been kind of talking through this stuff, but I think something that overarches all of it and something that we harp on with this podcast and with this being a men's mental health podcast, it's to kind of understand your value and not see your value through relationships, whether that is with a significant other or with your friends.
It's extremely important to find yourself worth through yourself, not through the lens of someone else.
I think that it's a lot of times people expend so much of themselves into making relationships last or making certain groups of people like you to where you're not even with someone that sees you for who you, for how you want to be seen. And then that in turn makes you kind of conflict with your, with your internal visions of yourself. So I think that it's important to have relationships a thousand percent, but at the same time have the best relationship with yourself.
Being friends with yourself sounds really weird and kind of, I don't know, maybe impossible, but it very much so is. And if you take the active effort to do so, being constructive of yourself is one of the best things you can do for your mental health. So while we've been talking about relationships, and as important as they are, I want to relay it back to yourself. Being at peace with yourself is arguably the most important.
[00:34:52] Speaker D: That is so key, I think. Joni and I think that oftentimes when I work with students in the past and working with them and my counseling work with them and they talk about the difficulties they've had in relationships, many times they'll talk about how they've kind of lost themselves in that relationship. And when we unpack that, part of what comes out is that they really didn't have a good sense of who they are as a person or their sense of what's important to them. And I think it's hard to then be in a relationship with someone if you don't know yourself well or if you don't have that sense of self esteem in a way. Right. Or knowing yourself to a level where you, you, you're not, you're not in the relationship to kind of find yourself, for lack of a better term.
[00:35:49] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, I think that's exactly right. I think like, you know, giving people love is a great thing, you know, like loving your friends, loving yourself, loving your partner is awesome. And I think that a lot of, of a lot of communities rely on that, you know, like to, to take in love from whatever, you know, means. But you know, I think that idea of knowing yourself and loving yourself first or, you know, more, even more so, is important to even being a good partner or friend to other people. Right. Because you, you have this understanding of yourself and it's like you don't have that pushback of feeling like, like, man, I'm losing myself and that kind of resentment that's attached, right.
[00:36:35] Speaker D: It allows you to be in a relationship where you're not overly dependent and you're not overly independent, if that makes sense. But you're in it with a mutual connection. You're interdependent and.
And. And it's a sense of sort of synergy, your balance that happens in those relationships, too, that.
That makes it even more special when you can sort of share and give and take and realizing that all relationships are some. There's some measure take and there can be some work in trying to balance that out. But I think if that's an understanding where you know who you are as a person and you know what you're not only willing to provide in a relationship, but what is it that you need for yourself as well, I think that's. That makes for a good thing.
[00:37:21] Speaker C: Totally.
[00:37:22] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, this has been a great conversation about relationships from the Bama balance. We wish all of you happy Valentine's Day, encourage you to wish your partners, your family, your friends happy Valentine's day as well and celebrate those relationships. This has been the Bama balance. Real stories about college men's mental health. I'm Nick Smith.
[00:37:40] Speaker C: And I'm Johnny Foster.
[00:37:42] Speaker D: And I'm Dr. Todi Perez. And Nick, Happy Valentine's day.
[00:37:46] Speaker B: Happy Valentine's Day, Johnny.
[00:37:47] Speaker D: Happy Valentine's day.
[00:37:48] Speaker C: Happy Valentine's day.
[00:37:49] Speaker D: Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.
[00:37:50] Speaker B: All right, y'all, take it easy.
[00:38:09] Speaker A: Wvuafm Tuscaloosa this show was not intended as a substitute for professional counseling. Further, the views, opinions and conclusions expressed by the show hosts or their guests are their own and not necessarily those of the University of Alabama, its officers or trustees. Any views, opinions or conclusions shared on the show do not create a relationship between the host or any guest and any listener, and such a relationship should never be inferred. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, please contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective county's crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
