Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling, and no relationship is created between the show host or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
[00:00:41] Speaker B: Hi, everyone. This is Dr. Torty Perez with the Bama Balance. Real stories about college men's mental health.
[00:00:48] Speaker C: I'm Johnny Foster.
[00:00:49] Speaker D: I'm Nick Smith.
[00:00:50] Speaker B: And we'd like to welcome you back. You know, listening to that intro music, I really enjoy it. So that's Nick on the keyboards and Johnny on the harmonica. You know this. It's kind of fun to listen to all the different components of this podcast and to think about how we came up with the theme music for this.
[00:01:16] Speaker C: It went through a whole selection process and narrowed it down, but I like the kind of vibe that it gives. The very beginning of it. I don't know.
[00:01:24] Speaker B: Yeah, it has a very front porch, homey, sit down and talk feel.
[00:01:30] Speaker D: So you guys can just imagine you're on your front porch sitting down and talking to the three of us.
[00:01:34] Speaker C: Exactly. In a rocking chair.
[00:01:36] Speaker B: That's right. Maybe a little something.
[00:01:38] Speaker C: Just vibing this.
[00:01:39] Speaker B: Vibing. Yeah. Yeah, it has that. It does have that sort of feel. It's been neat to kind of listen to date to our podcast as we record it and hope that everybody's enjoyed it out there if you listened. And it's kind of neat to see how it's all evolved and how things have come the way they have. I know one of the things that. That I enjoyed last. Our last episode was with having Luke, and I thought he did a great job with. With that.
[00:02:07] Speaker D: Yeah, he. He took to this very comfortably. I know, like, to be able to talk into the mic, it's still making me nervous. But, yeah, he. He seemed to fit right in, which is awesome.
[00:02:19] Speaker C: And I feel like we knew that, too. We knew Luke was going to be such a great candidate for that. We all knew him whenever he was an undergrad, and so he was a perfect choice for really understanding what, you know, grad students feel like. And like you said, I. I was really surprised that he was as comfortable as he was, because, like you said, I'm still getting comfortable with these mics. And now that we got these new. I feel like every episode we Get a new, you know, a new piece of swag due to Dr. Perez being so gracious.
Obviously, we don't have any video, so you got. So the viewers at home can't see. But we. We got some new.
I guess, what do you call. Stands for the mic. So we're able to lean back in the chairs.
[00:03:00] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:03:01] Speaker C: Really feel comfortable talking to one another. Not that we weren't comfortable, but physically comfortable.
[00:03:06] Speaker B: Yeah. It feels like we can rock back if you wanted to.
[00:03:08] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Bringing the vibes again.
[00:03:12] Speaker B: No, that's right. No, there's a lot. It feels like we've. We've done up to this point and probably more so to be able to tweak it and. And make it more engaging. It's been. It's been a lot of fun. And Luke was great.
And part of. I think what struck me with Luke is were some of the things he talked about that have echoed what the two of you have kind of brought up in past episodes. And that is that notion of not having it all figured out and how that's kind of a common theme, how it maybe drives some of the worry and anxiety. And I thought what we could do today and talk about today is talk specifically about the anxieties that college men have.
What are those anxieties? Certainly not having it all figured out is one. But are there other worries or anxieties that college men experience during this time of year?
What are they? What is it from your experiences that you've found for yourselves? And then also, what are some ways that you can manage those anxieties? How can you find support through them? What can you do to help you through it? To not make those anxieties as stressful or as worrisome.
So that's, I think, what we'll look at today. We'll sort of dive into that area of college men's anxieties? What are they?
And then how do we learn from them and how do we cope with them? We look forward to having you. Follow us the next segment. This is the BAMA Balance.
[00:05:20] Speaker C: Wvuafm Tuscaloosa.
[00:05:23] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show hosts or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
[00:06:05] Speaker D: Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Bama balance. Like Dr. Prez just said, we're looking into getting into anxiety and what that means for us, what that means for college men. And Dr. Perez wanted to start off with a question.
[00:06:19] Speaker B: Yeah, no thanks, Nick. You know, one of the top. So I'll say this. The top concern among college students these days is anxiety.
I wanted to get a sense of, from the two of you.
What have you noticed are the kinds of anxieties that college men face?
What do you notice among your friends? Some of the anxieties that they faced and even. What are some of those anxieties that you faced?
[00:06:51] Speaker D: Yeah, I think for me, I'm just like a clinically anxious person. So I'm anxious about nearly everything.
But I think for the easy, easy list of what pertains to college students is like inherently school, doing well in school jobs.
You know, that's really kind of like the aim of going to college is to educate yourself and then get a good job. So I think that's probably on the front of people's minds. I think socially making, Making friends is anxiety inducing. Relationships are anxiety inducing at times.
Finances. I mean, I, I can't list an exhaustive, exhaustive list, but I, I think that they're. Those are probably what I hear the most about.
[00:07:41] Speaker C: Yeah, I, I echo the same things, but I think that's what's great about this, is we're able to share these anxieties that we have.
And what we want to do with the Bama Balance is just like, share our personal testimonies to anxieties. Because as Dr. Perez alluded to earlier, there are times where you worry that you don't have it figured all out and you never will, frankly. And that's a really hard truth to really come to peace with. Because when you look around, certainly this was the case for me in probably freshman, sophomore, junior year. I looked around and it felt like everybody else did. I would look around and people would have, you know, their internships picked out, and I didn't. They would have, you know, everything in line. School wise. They'd be getting all the good grades and they've studied and while still balancing a social life. And I was still figuring out what that balance looks like for me.
And that was. It's extremely hard because I feel like comparisons are a huge part of human nature. And I think comparisons have a really good way of motivating you to, to be a better person, but they also can have A very negative effect. And I personally had a very hard time dealing with comparison pretty much my whole life. And I think that's kind of, you know, how I am. But at the same time, I've realized how to mitigate that and understand that, you know, comparison is. It eats away at you and because no matter what, I don't think you really can live up to, to what you're comparing yourself to. I think it's always good to never settle. But at the same time, if you continue to, you know, strive and strive and strive to an unreachable goal and you're, you're hurting yourself by not getting to that goal, you have to have realistic expectations for yourself. And I think by mitigating that, I certainly was able to have a much more, a much better sense of my mental health and grow as a person, grow as a friend, and not compare myself to everyone that I would see. Because you're only seeing the best parts of everybody. Right. I can guarantee you that the people that I was comparing myself to did not. Were having the same anxieties.
[00:10:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:05] Speaker C: And it's, it was, it was scary. But taking a step back in life is, Is what I found to always be helpful. I think day to day, it's. It's extremely hard or it's, no, not extremely hard, rather extremely easy to get so caught up in your life.
And I have a test on Tuesday and I have this due Wednesday and then. But. But I have to go see my friends on Tuesday and Wednesday as well. How do I. How do I get these schedules aligned? And how do I do this? And how do I call my mom and how do I, you know, take a walk or how do I exercise? I think I got so caught up in the scheduling of everything, trying to make everything work that it didn't even feel like I was living life, that I was rather having ticking, ticking boxes to make sure that I was doing everything that I should. But stepping back is always good. And what I've used is kind of a coping thing to do. Not rather coping sound has a bad maybe connotation, but what I would use to, to make myself feel like, hey, you got it. You're okay. Calm down. I know I'm kind of rambling here, but I don't know, because I feel important about this, because I want those who maybe struggle with this, and I'm not saying I have it figured out, but that certainly helped me, is taking a step back and seeing things from a wide perspective and not feeling so entrapped by what's going on around you.
[00:11:28] Speaker D: Yeah, I think that's a great point. And I think that your perspective really does kind of determine your outlook on things. That's kind of redundant to say. But how you, how you approach things, how you view yourself really does put in perspective. I think for me, like my best way to cope through anxiety is to think about like the resilience that I've had in the past, you know, where it's like comparatively like you know, X thing that I'm dealing with now is really hard but you know, I've done why things that were also really hard. And that's, that's like, you know, shows that I have the ability to get through these, these things that I'm really anxious about.
[00:12:14] Speaker B: Yeah. What do you think I'm going to take a step back too, and, and ask you, you know, amid, amidst those anxieties and worries, what is. Because I think anxieties, I've always thought about anxieties as a fear of something that's going to happen. So sort of fear based, whether or not it's real or rational or not. Right. There's kind of a fear there that something happen. So kind of future oriented. So in thinking about your own anxiety, about whatever it might be, what, what do you think are the underlying fears that might fuel it?
[00:12:54] Speaker D: I think for me it's really a lot of my, I want to say in the past, but I think like this is a present issue that like I still am dealing with is a lot of my self worth is like, Sorry. Self worth is like built into succeeding in like certain, certain aspects of life. And right now that's kind of school. Right. Like I pride myself on having good grades and like doing well and then like receiving a bad mark. I think I'm afraid of the bad mark. But even more so I'm afraid of like quote unquote being dumb or like quote unquote, like not living up to like how I should be succeeding. Like these expectations that I've set for myself.
And I think a lot of the time that's really unfair, you know, to myself to like really push for perfection all the time, you know. And I'm not being gracious with myself when I do have like an off day.
But to answer your question, I think that like just my expectations are really garnering that anxiety.
[00:14:02] Speaker B: Got it, Got it.
[00:14:04] Speaker C: Yeah. I would say my fears stem from is this even worth it or is it going to work out? I think that that internal question will go through my head all the time. Like, you know, Johnny, you're putting all this, this effort into this certain thing or this certain organization, the certain person, that maybe person's a bad idea because I'm not saying that I'm using people to have a game. But you know, like, is it, is that even going to be worth it? Are you wasting your time or is it, is it not going to pan out the way you want it to? Because I think that, that, that question, those questions run through my head, you know, academically, it's like I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with my major with a job later on and it's like, you know, are you doing all this stuff? Is it even worth it? And I think it's important to be confident in what you are studying in school. But at the same time, if it takes a year or two to really figure that out and flesh it out. I've always encouraged people to test different waters with that. I've had plenty of friends who have switched majors and loved that they did and so glad that they made that decision because college is. It's funny that you're throwing a bunch of seven 18 year olds into a bunch of academic classes and saying, hey, have your life figured out? That's what it feels like, right?
[00:15:27] Speaker D: Yeah, right, sure.
[00:15:28] Speaker C: And so that you know, the. Is it worth it? Like did I make the right decision? You know, I'm too far into it now, I better stick with it.
Those are bad things to say to yourself because it's never, never too late to have a reevaluation.
[00:15:42] Speaker B: Right. So, so, so for you Nick, it sounds like those worries or fears around fears of self worth kind of meaning like will others accept me?
[00:15:55] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:15:56] Speaker B: Will they see my self worth?
[00:15:57] Speaker D: Yeah, I think that, I mean to unpack even more. I think a lot of it is kind of driven with, you know, the comparison conversation that Johnny was talking about where it's like I come from, like I guess an environment where a lot of successful people like you know, are around me and I want to be like one of those people.
And I over exaggerate I guess these issues in my mind of like I have to be perfect in this aspect to be successful in totally. In a sense. Yeah.
[00:16:30] Speaker B: Yep. Makes perfect sense. And then Johnny, yours sort of sounded like the fears of your goals not working out and whatever those goals might be.
[00:16:43] Speaker C: Right, right.
[00:16:43] Speaker B: You sort of set them out there and the fear of not working out may feel catastrophic or something like that. That's kind of the essence of it.
[00:16:52] Speaker C: Yeah, it's kind of the fear of like you said. Yeah. And not working out. And I think putting your reliance into materialistic stuff or, you know, stuff. Stuff isn't going to work out. And that's, that's the harsh reality of life. And I'm slowly starting to come in and embrace that fact of life.
But I'm not saying that I'm. I'm not scared still. I used to be a lot more. And I'm thankfully, you know, slowly understanding that we're all human. This is life. It's not going to work out sometimes in the way you want it to, but. Yeah, you're right with prosing it that way.
[00:17:30] Speaker B: How common are your worries and concerns among other college men, like friends that you're with and. Or other groups of folks that you're around?
[00:17:42] Speaker C: I would say that both of ours are very prevalent.
[00:17:45] Speaker D: Yeah. I think if either one of us. Sorry to cut you off. No, I think if either one of us said this to, like, one of our friends, like, it would be immediate head nods. Like, when Johnny's talking, I'm like, yep, been there. Felt that, you know, and if I said something like, to somebody who's not on the show. Right. Just like one of my buddies, they'd be like, dude, I get that. Like, I've been there for sure.
[00:18:06] Speaker C: I think as men, we're though, it's. It's kind of, you know, rudimentary. We're always trying to one up each other. It feels like. And it always does feel like a competition.
[00:18:17] Speaker B: That's a good point.
[00:18:18] Speaker C: No matter how close I am with somebody, no matter, you know, if I do know that I might be smarter than this guy, like, I kind of want to let him know it, you know, I think that deep down though, this is just me talking and I might just be really competitive for no reason, but I'm not doing it for a competitive game. But at the same time, I do do want to outperform.
[00:18:42] Speaker D: Yeah. I mean, you want to feel like you're the best. Yeah. And have a lot of worth. Right, Exactly. I totally understand.
[00:18:49] Speaker C: And so I think within that it's hard for men to communicate that with each. With each other. Because if you tell someone, like, yeah, I'm anxious about doing this, then you're like, oh, oh, he's anxious about this, then. That he might not be better than me. I might be better than him.
[00:19:00] Speaker B: It could be seen as a weakness.
[00:19:01] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:19:02] Speaker B: I see that.
[00:19:03] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:19:04] Speaker D: Well, we're gonna get into unpacking that a little bit more in this next segment. Segment. I appreciate y'all Listening. Stay tuned for segment two. This is the BAMA Balance.
[00:19:30] Speaker C: Wvuafm, Tuscaloosa.
[00:19:33] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show hosts or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency.
[00:20:15] Speaker C: What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the BAMA Balance. And in the last segment, we really kind of dove, you know, headfirst into the hard hitting stuff about anxieties that collegemen face, especially at the University of Alabama, what Nick and I face as students here.
And it was, you know, really relaxing to hear. You know, Nick has the same exact anxieties than I do and vice versa, as we talked about during the break.
And in this segment, we're going to get into or explore ways in which we ourselves have coped with the anxieties and tried to tackle them or deal with them and possibly just give advice into ways that we suggest have worked the best for us.
[00:21:03] Speaker B: Sorry. Go ahead, Nick.
[00:21:04] Speaker D: No good.
[00:21:05] Speaker B: Okay. Now I was just about to say, as you, as you were talking, John, one of the things that struck me as we were talking before both you and Nick was this notion of gaining perspective. And how do you keep that perspective and also being able to do a reality check? You know, are these worries, are they real, are they valid? Do they. Makes sense essentially? And so just wanting to know about how once you recognize that particular worry or fear, how do you actually go about stepping back and gaining perspective or stepping back and checking yourself? What's that process like?
[00:21:52] Speaker D: I think for me, you know, like, I have the ability to do that within myself to an extent, but I think a lot of the time it might come from, like, external, like my support group, you know, if I'm really struggling with, like, anxiety over a test or about the future or whatever, like going toward to my friends or my mom or my girlfriend or really just anybody who understands me and has, like, seen me work before always really kind of shifts my mind from, this is impossible. This is so hard to. But you've done things that you've said are impossible before. You've done really hard things before. Like, it's gonna work out like it always has.
[00:22:39] Speaker B: So they're able to sort of snap you out of that mind frame or. Yeah, those worries.
[00:22:45] Speaker D: I think that like, I have a tendency to kind of almost spiral into like my anxiety where it's like I'm anxious about being anxious sometimes, you know that.
[00:22:56] Speaker B: And that happens.
[00:22:57] Speaker D: Yeah, happens a lot. But like, you know, sometimes getting that snap from somebody else of like, okay, this is becoming much bigger than it actually is. But other things I think like just separating myself from, from the issue helps sometimes where like for me, I like to play the guitar. So like, you know, taking a step back from studying to play the guitar for a little bit, like, it puts, puts in perspective that like, I'm still, you know, attached to the world. It's not ending. Like everything's going to be okay.
And then I can go in with like a fresh set eyes.
[00:23:37] Speaker B: So it's good to have not only those people around you, but those things that you can sort of engage in personally to take your mind off the worry kind of as a distraction to sort of settle you back down. Okay. No, that makes sense.
[00:23:55] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:23:55] Speaker B: Johnny, vote.
[00:23:56] Speaker C: Well, I think that's a great question and I think it's. My answer is going to be bad, but it's. There are no bad answers. Well, no, it's just. I think it's just being honest about how I am, but I really don't take a step back, a step back until the like the apex of my anxiety.
And it's, It'd be a lot better if I did it before because it usually takes until I'm like, at my. Either like a breaking point, I'm like breaking point or I have no idea how I'm gonna finish this assignment in time where I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life, where I'm like, let's take a step back. Let's calm down. You are okay. It's gonna be okay. And it, it sucks that, that I, I usually take myself to the point of no return where I have to do that to myself.
And I guess, see, like, this is like also like personal therapy for me. Like, I didn't even realize that I did that until you posed that question just now. And that's, that's something that I wish I had known. So now I'm gonna try to, you know, be more attentive to, you know, like, like you were saying, spiraling into it, getting anxious about being anxious and understanding that I am doing that and taking a step back earlier than, you know, when it's, when it feels like it's consuming you.
[00:25:25] Speaker B: Right, right. So what I love about what you said. And Nick, the way you were talking about is you both identified like triggers for your anxiety or for your worry. So. So. And some of those triggers can be those internal thoughts, right. If things aren't going to work out and then it sort of spirals from there. Right. Or questions about my self worth, how am I being compared to others? And those kinds of thoughts start to spiral. And if you know that those are some of the triggers to your anxiety. And as you just illustrated, Joni, how can you kind of catch yourself when you're in that frame of mind to then take that step back or like you just did? Johnny took a deep breath. Yeah, right.
[00:26:14] Speaker C: I mean, I don't know the answer.
[00:26:16] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:26:16] Speaker C: But I think, you know, honestly I think it comes with seeing it, seeing yourself do the wrong thing a lot and because for myself I've done the wrong thing a lot and it's, it's made it a lot worse. And I can, I can, you know, count on my hand, on two hands the amount of times has happened this semester where I have an assignment due and I'm bad about procrastination and I haven't started it until the night of. And I'm like, you know, rushing and rushing and then, then I'm like, all right, I'm not going to finish this time. I'm going to get an F and I'm not going to get, not, not finished with a good grade in the class. Let's do this then.
All right. Calm down. It's okay.
[00:26:57] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:26:58] Speaker C: And I think now that I've pushed myself to that point, the, the taking a step back can happen days before where I actually do fiscal things to get around that. And granted that's just, you know, working on an assignment earlier. But I mean the, the things with comparison can happen often. I mean I'll, I can, I, I'll see, I'll see people, you know, walking pass me into going to class and I'll compare myself to them. And at the same time that's, I don't know, not very healthy of me. But understanding that I'm myself and everybody has to take me as myself and if they don't like it, then that's their loss.
[00:27:46] Speaker B: Right?
[00:27:46] Speaker C: It's okay.
Understanding that those micro interactions in your head that you're. This micro comparisons that you're making don't need to dictate your entire mood or the way that you think about yourself. More importantly, your self worth comes from yourself and no other, you know, outlet.
[00:28:11] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, I, I think so other than maybe procrastination, so that's a whole other thing.
[00:28:16] Speaker C: Right.
[00:28:17] Speaker B: You could probably do anyway. Everybody can be better. I can be better. Totally not procrastinating as much, but. But this whole notion of. Of not just self worth and with. With fear of goals not working out, it seems like that comes also. It also comes back to something you both mentioned earlier, and that's a sense of competition. So for men, do you feel like it's like for other college men, do you feel like it's the same kind of not only underlying fears, but how many other college men kind of take that step back or are able to take that step back and lean on others or ask for help?
[00:28:52] Speaker D: Yeah, I think that's, you know, Johnny said, I think what needs to be said about, like, the idea of competition with anxiety. But, you know, around college campuses, I think, like, college is intrinsically, you know, kind of competitive. Fortunately, you know, at Alabama, we don't really work on a curve here too much. I mean, there are obviously certain classes, but it's not like directly competing against your peers. But like, there still is that idea of, you know, Johnny got a 90 on the accounting exam. Like, I want to get a 91 type of thing. And it's not because I'm like, man, I really want to be smarter than Johnny. It's just like, I want to, you know, do really well. And I guess, like, that idea of success is dampened by others. And maybe that's a terrible thing to say, but I think, like, I think we're kind of built to feel that way at times, and like, that's something that you kind of have to unlearn. But that's definitely anxiety inducing to me, at least.
[00:29:52] Speaker C: Yeah. It's like you have to try to prove yourself with anybody, even if you've known this person for forever. I think maintaining to be the quote, unquote, smart one in the class or the one that gets good grades, you have to. You have to uphold that reputation.
And I think that in itself causes anxiety, at least for myself it does. You know, like, an example is like, I play. I like. I love playing basketball. Love going to the wreck and playing basketball. And if I'm on the sidelines waiting, I'm going to be dribbling a basketball and doing all these crazy moves. Just show them that I can. Because I want to be. I want to be. Seeing their eyes is like, okay, we can play with him. You know, he knows what he's doing. And I think that's the same way with Life where you're trying to, you know, show people that you're, you know, you deserve to have recognition for this.
And that's important to a degree. But at the same time, it's not the most important that I fall victim to that all the time. Like Nick was saying, where you're trying to outdo someone else so much to a point where it's consuming and then it just becomes unhealthy and that's a downward spiral that you can't fall victim to. But more than times I do, yeah.
[00:31:10] Speaker B: It can be a real kind of trap, I think. And for college men, and maybe particularly for college men, this notion of having to prove yourself then turns into having to prove your self worth when in fact maybe part of what is needed is a sense of self confidence or security.
So it sounds like part of the anxiety is security versus insecurity. And a lot of insecurities are raised with these worries. And how do college men develop that sense of security within themselves or in those areas of their lives where they might feel insecure? I would gather to say that over the last four years you guys have developed a pretty solid and resilient sense of security. Right, Right.
Not that there aren't times where you'll feel insecure, but my, my guess is, and my hunch is, is that over time you've been able to develop that security.
[00:32:13] Speaker D: Yeah, I think like if you ask me freshman year, like my outlook on, you know, I don't want people to judge my self worth, like how good of a person I am based on me knowing 95% of my accounting test. Right. You know, so I think that like, at least from exploring my anxieties and like having these conversations, I've gained that like, you know, comparison really.
I don't mean to say what everybody's saying again, but like the comparison that drives anxiety is really fruitless in like how you view yourself or like how you should, you know, go about thinking about your worth and things like that.
[00:33:01] Speaker C: Yeah. Like I currently serve as the director for the first year council and we meet everybody week and every week whenever I'm speaking to them after they've done all their legislation. I probably flubbed my words like two or three times.
But like, I don't even think twice about it now. But I remember it was a defining moment of my life whenever I was a freshman or maybe I was a sophomore year. Yes. Because I was a senator in SGA and I was presenting a bill and I flubbed my words and it felt like the literal world was ending. And I think now, like you were saying, I have security in myself where I'm like, you know what?
Everybody kind of, you know, flips their words. It's not that big a deal. Everybody. I think I realize now that everybody cares about themselves 10 times more than you. And whenever you're speaking, you care about yourself, obviously, but you also think everybody else does. And I'm not saying that nobody cares about you, but rather that you shouldn't take everything. You know, if you make minor mistakes, nobody, for the most part realizes. And now I have this sense of security in terms of small things like that where I don't let it get to me. And that comes with time and practice and failing, but also at the same time, resilience to continue to work at it and work on, you know, your. Your own security.
And the sad part that. Not the sad part, but the hard part about it is continuing to work on those insecurities so that you can bolster them for the future.
[00:34:39] Speaker B: Right. You know, Johnny, Nick, that was great perspective on both your parts. I appreciate you sharing that. That was really helpful.
[00:34:47] Speaker C: Yeah, well, it's. It's not easy to talk about this stuff, Nick. I know we both have been. And in the breaks, we've been talking about how this has been a great conversation and very vulnerable for both of us. And we've had great conversations throughout these past two segments and we look forward to seeing you in our final segment. This has been the BAMA Balance wvuafm Tuscaloosa.
[00:35:26] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show host or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counseling crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
[00:36:08] Speaker B: And we're back with the BAMA Balance.
And as we wrap up this episode, I really want to say that I've appreciated this conversation that we've had today. And I think the previous episodes have really allowed us to have this deep dive and this real conversation. So I want to thank you both, Nick and Joni for sharing today and was wondering if you could sum up all that's been said, particularly around ways that you've coped with your anxieties.
What are those things? Again, that's worked for You. And what are the takeaways that you want to leave our listeners with?
[00:36:53] Speaker C: Yeah, well, I want to start off with I don't have the golden keys to fix all the anxieties, nor do I think that any of the listeners are expecting that from a 22 year old.
But. But what I realized is competition. What we talked about, it is healthy in doses. I think it's what drives us to be great. But don't allow it to fuel your self worth.
Competition should be very surface level and very fun.
But at the same time it shouldn't be where you derive how valuable you are as a person, as a human. That should come from within, not from other people. And that's so much easier said than done.
I fall victim to that every day. But again every day try to remind myself that this person doing better than me in this aspect of life doesn't mean that I'm not, you know, a great person, not going to succeed.
And those constant reminders are great. You have to physically. I found that I have to physically tell myself that.
And yeah, it's a little weird, but I think it is great to, to have those positive affirmations because I bet there's some science behind that where it's like you actually, you know, you yourself hearing that probably does help. I don't know. It's helped me. Yeah, so I've enjoyed doing that for myself.
[00:38:24] Speaker D: Yeah, I definitely agree with Johnny. I think that, you know, a lot of what this podcast aims to do is to like increase the conversations around these types of things. And for me, I think what's helped the most is just talking about it and like, you know, letting my support group know that, you know, I'm either struggling with this or that or like I'm anxious about this or that because letting somebody know brings some comfort. And once you've become comfortable with those people, them having the ability to recenter you is really helpful for me.
[00:39:07] Speaker B: You've each touched on the self resources that you have to be able to step back from a situation and also identified resources outside of you, friends, family, what advice or what would you say to others, your friends or other college men to guide them and how to ask others for help when they're feeling anxious.
[00:39:36] Speaker D: Yeah, I think that's tough. I remember the first time I kind of opened up to my friends in high school about some things that I was dealing with. I was really nervous and for some reason I was worried that they were going to think I'm weird or like that. This was so unique.
But honestly I think it's just kind of taking a leap, you know, knowing that these guys or whoever it is that you're relying on, you know, truly cares for you and, you know, trusting that they'll take it in and, like, maybe not expecting them to have an answer, but just going in, expecting them to, or, like, sorry, going in hoping that they, like, hear you.
And I don't know if there's a perfect way to bring it up other than, you know, I trust you a lot. I know that you care for me a lot, and here's what I'm dealing with.
[00:40:35] Speaker C: I think that goes back to our previous conversation about competition or about just being better than one another, like we were talking about earlier. Like, my best friends, I'm still trying to outdo them and everything. And so being vulnerable with even the closest of friends is tough and hard.
But at the same time, if they are your close friends and if you do trust them, then they'll be your. You'll be even closer friends if you are vulnerable with them. And in terms of advice or maybe guidance on how to approach help, asking for help, I found that whenever my friends come to me, approach me saying that they have an issue or problem, it only further solidifies that this person confides in me and trusts me. And so I ended up becoming even closer with this. With this person.
And I think people always. I think people do enjoy being called upon for help. It makes them feel better. And I think, you know, they're always willing to help. If you go to them, it makes them feel special. And at the same time, having someone else with a different perspective can always, you know, having new eyes on a situation that you have is great, because anxieties that you've been dealing with for a long time, you're probably only looking at it through one. One singular lens. And having those different lenses can really help you maybe find a solution or a way, a path of action to overcoming those different anxieties.
[00:42:01] Speaker D: Yeah. And I want to encourage the listeners to, you know, have these conversations, right. And, you know, put some sort of trust in your friends if you're at that level.
But also if you're not ready to have those conversations, that's totally okay. Like, we have the counseling center on campus that they're trained professionals that have heard probably a million things just like. Like your story. So if you're. I, again, sincerely encourage you to have these conversations. It's really beneficial not only to you, but to, you know, your community. But again, not ready. Counseling center. Awesome. Awesome resource.
[00:42:41] Speaker B: I'M glad, I'm glad you mentioned that. Nick and Nick and Johnny. I've deeply appreciated this conversation today. I mean it really, I think hits at the heart of what we've aim to do with our podcast and that is to have these real conversations and that in exploring anxieties, you've really hit on this essence of how do you cope, how do you overcome and manage anxieties? And this notion of trusting in others, trust and care is real crucial to reaching out to friends or families, that you've got to have that trust in them and know that they will care for you.
And so I really, gosh, I really appreciate that those two words, trust and care, are really at the heart of any meaningful relationship.
And so I think that that just speaks volumes, I think of your insights and this conversation today. So thank you guys for engaging in this today.
I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot and I appreciate that.
And this we come to an end of this episode as much as we could. Keep on talking, but glad that you all have joined us here for this episode on the ballot, the Bama balance real stories about college men's mental health. I'm Dr. Tony Perez.
[00:44:12] Speaker C: I'm Johnny Foster.
[00:44:13] Speaker D: And I'm Nick Smith.
[00:44:14] Speaker B: We'll see you. Bye bye now.
[00:44:31] Speaker A: Wvuafm, Tuscaloosa this show was not intended as a substitute for professional counseling. Further, the views, opinions and conclusions expressed by the show hosts or their guests are their own and not necessarily those of the University of Alabama, its officers or trustees. Any views, opinions or conclusions shared on the show do not create a relationship between the host or any guest and any listener, and such a relationship should never be inferred. If you feel you're in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, please contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective county's crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
