Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show host or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
[00:00:41] Speaker B: Welcome, Everybody, to the Bama Balance. Real stories about college men's mental health. I'm Dr. Todi Perez.
[00:00:47] Speaker C: I'm Nick Smith.
[00:00:48] Speaker D: And I'm Tyler Lee.
[00:00:49] Speaker B: And Tyler is our first guest co host for this episode. Tyler, welcome.
[00:00:54] Speaker D: Thank you so much. Thanks for having me.
[00:00:55] Speaker B: Yeah, we're excited to have you.
[00:00:57] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. Don't worry, listeners. This is the same day as last episode. We double recorded. Johnny's not still sick.
[00:01:04] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:01:04] Speaker C: I'm sure you guys would be interested on that update. But yeah, hopefully he's still not sick.
[00:01:10] Speaker B: No sick, but we got quality in the house, so. Ty, welcome.
[00:01:14] Speaker D: Thank you so much. This was such a random kind of whim. I got a call coming out of a meeting just saying, hey, what are you doing right now? Like, about to go home and now you're here.
[00:01:26] Speaker B: How's it feeling for you?
[00:01:28] Speaker D: Also, I've never kind of done this podcast before, but this microphone and headset on is. Feels pretty cool.
[00:01:34] Speaker B: That's pretty awesome now, isn't it? Well, you'll be on the record for everything you say, so don't worry about it. It's all good. It's all good. Now we're happy to have Tyler be part of our. Our conversation today and looking forward to it. You know, one of the things that I, I guess before we get started, one of the things that was left over from when we last recorded Nick. We started talking about some of the Oscar winning movies and performances and I don't know if you had a chance. Did you watch Oscars?
[00:02:08] Speaker D: I did not watch the Oscars. I got some New York Times notifications about Kieran Bukulkin winning.
[00:02:14] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, yeah.
[00:02:16] Speaker D: And then the guy from the brutalist one.
[00:02:18] Speaker C: Yes, right. Adrien Brody.
[00:02:20] Speaker B: Adrien Brody. I forgot about that movie with Kieran Culkin that was actually pretty good.
[00:02:25] Speaker C: I don't know. What movie did he win?
[00:02:27] Speaker B: It was.
I think it's actually maybe Netflix. I could be wrong on that. But essentially it was a movie about two cousins who come together. Jesse Eisenberg is the other actor who come together sort of as a reunion and honor their deceased grandmother to learn more about her. And it's just. It's a neat story.
The other movie that I really enjoyed was a complete unknown. I don't know if you saw that.
[00:02:53] Speaker C: Yes. Big fan. Big fan. Tyler, you're nodding your head.
[00:02:57] Speaker D: I'm nodding my head because I love Timothee Chalamet. Yeah. And I didn't want to watch the movie yet until I really got to learn about Bob Dylan. So I want to learn more about the context before I see what I've heard to be a masterpiece.
[00:03:12] Speaker C: It is fantastic. It's fantastic.
[00:03:14] Speaker B: I think it really is fantastic.
And I wanted to see it because I knew something about Bob Dylan. So we have a generational thing going on, which is great. But I think Bob Dylan is really stands out for me as a lifetime generation artist, I think.
[00:03:33] Speaker C: Yeah, I just like. I don't. Honestly, I wasn't super into Bob Dylan before the movie, but I play guitar and the like, folk culture in guitar is like super prevalent, super interesting and kind of the type of music I like to play and then watch the movie. And Timothy did a great job of like, you know, learning how to play guitar, but just like recognizing it for just that was super cool. And then the acting in it was awesome and the storyline was awesome.
[00:04:05] Speaker B: It really was.
[00:04:06] Speaker C: So I was a big fan. Recommend watching it if you haven't.
[00:04:10] Speaker B: It captures just like a wonderful moment in time when Bob Dylan arrives on the scene and really emerges and develops and emerges as a folk artist and an artist. Overall, it's a great movie and the music is fantastic. I enjoyed it. One of the things we'll talk about today is not necessarily related to the Oscars or the movies, but talking about, again, our men's mental health and particularly around this notion of involvement or over involvement on campus or I guess what's been termed to be hustle culture.
And so we'll be talking more about that this episode as Denny chimes rings in the background. It's kind of a nice thing to hear.
Nice transition.
But we'll be focusing more on that. And welcome tide to the show.
And we'll be right back. This is the Bama Bambooz.
[00:05:24] Speaker A: Wvuafm Tuscaloosa. This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show hosts or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UAST, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 34838, 6, 3. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
[00:06:08] Speaker C: Hey, everybody, welcome back. Like Dr. Perez was saying in the intro, we're going to kind of touch on hustle culture and what that means in the UA community. So when we're kind of deciding what to record today, we brought up the notion of, like, feeling really pressured to get involved. I. And then once getting involved, feeling a pressure to, like, continue to get involved to the extent where it might be a little detrimental to how you view your self worth, how you can balance, you know, your lifestyle.
And I think that's a narrative that's really common on campus.
You know, Johnny's touched on it before. I've certainly felt that Tyler is a great person to kind of consult about this. He's been really involved on campus.
So I kind of want to pass it off to you. Tyler, tell me about your story about involvement and how some of those things might have positively affected you. Negatively affected you, things like that.
[00:07:14] Speaker D: Yeah, absolutely. So coming into the University of Alabama, my big brother went here and he kind of told me about all these great things on campus, like sga, Greek life and how it's helped him. And so coming in, I had the expectation of I want to do everything I can to be as successful as I can.
So starting early on freshman year, I got involved with a fraternity, became a leader in my pledge class, and eventually that led me to IFC, governing all 35 chapters. And once I got my first break into a big organization, it kind of became a domino effect. Everything else I applied for, I had experience I could talk about and stories I could pull on and a network of people to pull on. And that's how I started getting and racking up all these other organizations. And eventually I hit a point where I just felt like I wasn't even doing it for myself anymore. I just felt like it was a responsibility that I had to uphold. And now I had people counting on me.
But now, on the other side of it, after retiring from a lot of my positions, I can see that it was worthwhile. And there was a lot of positives, like a lot of work ethic that came with it, a lot of skills that you can't learn in class.
But the mental health aspect, definitely, you make sacrifices and that's something you deal with.
[00:08:39] Speaker C: Yeah, I really heavily relate to that story we came out in at the Same time, knew each other beforehand. Yeah. Kind of went two different paths of things that we got involved in. But my story is not far off from yours.
And I do think that getting involved in organizations on campus is really beneficial. Like, I think that's the source of your community professional development, you know, learning skills that you wouldn't necessarily learn on the classroom or in the classroom, like how to manage relationships in a professional setting, how to, you know, organize your time. But I think for me, you know, kind of that point that you're talking about, of this is a responsibility and not really something that I'm doing for myself or for, you know, development at this point, there is like a equilibrium almost where I felt that I wasn't getting much more out of what I was doing. And it just became like this kind of rat race type of feeling where I was trying to make a name on campus for myself or, like, shrouded that as, like, I want to make an impact. But I really wasn't impactful at all because I was, you know, spread thin. You know, I couldn't do anything. And that lack of fulfillment coupled with the zero time that I had was really difficult to kind of parse out and, like, figure out what to do at that point. So I think for me, it kind of materialized in feeling like I was wasting my time and other people's time.
So, yeah, kind of touch on those negatives. But I do know what you're saying about the positive. Those are. I. I don't want to encourage the listener to get involved in anything, because I think that's great. But I think that there might come a tipping point where that leads to burnout or not doing anything real.
[00:10:49] Speaker B: Sure, sure. So what I'm reminded of and what I'm aware of is this notion of balance again, and how.
What we encourage here, certainly what I encourage students, is when you come to Alabama, you know, find a place where you can be engaged or find a place where you can be involved.
As big as Alabama is, it's helpful to have a community or have a sense of a group where you have a sense of belonging, a sense of involvement, and can feel engaged in it.
And I think that that's the positive side of being engaged. Gives you that sense of social belonging, social connection, and gives you a sense of sort of accomplishment, self worth, and all that too. But on the other side of that can be the extreme where you're maybe over involved or over committed. Again, this term hustle culture is something that. That is. I'd never heard of it before, but as you are talking about it, it reminds me of this sort of work hard, play hard mentality. And I don't know if it's. Is it more prevalent like among sort of this. I don't say this generation, but this generation. And, and how much more prevalent is it here in Alabama and among college men?
[00:12:26] Speaker C: Yeah, I think definitely in what I've seen, the work hard, play hard mentality carries through to our student body.
I think that materializes a lot differently amongst a ton of people. Like for me, my, my play hard is sitting on the couch for six hours a night. Right.
[00:12:49] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:12:50] Speaker C: And for other people, that's going to a bar, you know, and maybe coping with it through that type of stuff.
But. And those aren't. It's not like those are the only two options. There are probably a million different things that people do.
But you know, I think even my case of sitting on the couch for four hours, like just, you know, mind numbingly scrolling on TikTok is probably not the best use of my time or the most fulfilling things like that. So to, you know, answer your question, I do think that everybody has a little bit of an extent of, you know, over compensating with something that might be negative.
[00:13:41] Speaker B: And Ty, you mentioned this too, in terms of sort of realizing the point at which maybe you had started to feel tired and started then backing off or not being as engaged, but in hindsight, seeing all the benefits of it, what kind. And I don't want to say what toll did it take on you and, but you know, what, like, how did you bear all of that? I mean, because you're involved. Both you and Nick are involved in a lot of stuff on campus. So what, what was, what was the weight of that for you and how did you manage it?
[00:14:17] Speaker D: Yeah, so with involvement you get so many good things out of it, but as you tack on more and more responsibilities, you hit a threshold to where you know, you're going to meeting after meeting after meeting to class. And at a certain point you're like, when do I have time to actually do the work to carry out the goal?
[00:14:39] Speaker B: Right.
[00:14:40] Speaker D: So you. For me, I started doing my work at night. You know, I work my classwork. But 7pm after those meetings to midnight, sometimes up to 2am I'm working on the involvement. And it felt like another class.
[00:14:56] Speaker B: Right.
[00:14:56] Speaker D: And obviously I've learned over time as a senior that that lack of sleep and a bad diet, how much that can affect your mental health. And that eventually just made me really unhappy until.
And I found that happiness in coping mechanisms like going out or staying out late with friends, trying to find anywhere.
[00:15:17] Speaker B: I could just to kind of find that relief, you know, this notion of hustle culture made me think too of the experience of what it's like to be here as a student. And one of the things I'm aware of is on graduation day, there are a number of students who walk across that stage with a various assortment of chords. And so I wonder, is there how much of hustle culture is also a part of chasing the chord?
And have either of you felt that part of it?
[00:16:06] Speaker C: Yeah, definitely.
[00:16:07] Speaker B: You know what I'm talking about.
[00:16:08] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, I. I know exactly what you're saying. And I think that that is a huge part of it. But underneath that it comparing, like, what I did on campus versus somebody else's, like, involvement. So, like, yeah, you want to be, like, have all the medallions, all the chords, you know, the red cap, something that, like, I, you know, probably sounding a little hypocritical about because of the things that I've done on campus, but it's definitely like a pressure that you face. Right.
And why do people feel that pressure? I think it's because, like, they want to look impressive on graduation day, have something to talk about that they did to the extent where it's like, I have a lot of things to talk about. And like, maybe that's through comparison of.
I couldn't compare myself to Tyler because he's done more than I have on campus, but just using Tyler to be like, oh, I have more chords than Tyler. I had a better college experience. Or I'm a more impressive college student.
But yeah, definitely.
[00:17:20] Speaker D: And the other side of that is people start to mount themselves once you're doing all these things. You start to amount your self worth to the things that you've accomplished and other people's affirmations of your accomplishments and that that kind of fulfillment is fleeting as well.
[00:17:40] Speaker B: Yeah, that's really interesting. So kind of cord chasing, I'm going to call it chord chasing is something. I like that. Yeah. So chord chasing is really tied to this notion of maybe part of it is expectations, right. Sort of expectations that you have of yourself, but. But also this theme of comparing yourself to others and which to me sounds like another theme that's been brought up over and over again is. Is how men compete with each other. And it's almost as if it's.
It's chasing the cord. Is it? I'm going to say something here. Is cord envy.
[00:18:20] Speaker C: Yeah, maybe. Maybe, um, yeah, like you know, there have been times where I've let envy of people's success get the best of me.
[00:18:33] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:18:33] Speaker C: I think at this point in my life, I feel comfortable about who I am and the work that I do.
And, you know, going into grad school or law school, I feel confident that, like, that's not really too much of an issue for me. But especially when I was younger, it was like, man, like, I'm either jealous or, like, want to emulate this person so bad to be, like, I think so highly of, you know, Tyler. I want to be like, Tyler, I'm gonna do all these things just like Tyler did. And then if I, you know, don't meet that benchmark, then get a little mad about it, you know, like, how did Tyler do this? Like crazy, you know, but we're building.
[00:19:19] Speaker D: Up all these expectations around someone else. But really what I've thought about a lot and I've talked about with some of my friends, is that all the stuff that we do, it only matters to the people who care, because at the end of the day, it's a cord. And a lot of people will see people with so many chords and think, I wonder how much fun you actually had.
[00:19:39] Speaker C: Yeah, right, right, right. Well, we'll get into unpacking that a little bit in the next segment. Stay with us for that.
[00:20:05] Speaker A: Wvuafm, Tuscaloosa. This show is not a substitute for professional counseling, and no relationship is created between the show host or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
[00:20:49] Speaker B: Welcome back, everybody, to the Battle balance.
And I want to kind of get back to this notion of men comparing themselves to others, setting themselves up in competition as part of hustle culture or cord chasing, as we've kind of talked about it in the last. In our last segment. And I want to kind of talk more about this idea of college men's self worth, self esteem, being equated to not just chords, but this notion of our self worth being equated to external things versus internal qualities. And wanted to get more of your thoughts on that.
[00:21:33] Speaker C: Yeah, again, I'm gonna point back to, you know, my younger years before I was a little bit more confident myself.
I think that like, when I got something, it was like, let's go. Like, I have the skills to be X on campus. Right. I'm just gonna say Chief justice because that's my most, like, notable thing that I'm involved in.
Like, oh, like, let's go. I'm the Chief justice, rather than like, oh, I. Let's go. I have the skills to be the Chief justice and I have this opportunity to make impact.
Like, that's what I should be excited for. But rather, it was like, I'm feeling externally motivated to, you know, like, pursue this role or to do these things because that makes me look good or feel good when I receive praise or, like, admiration for filling this role. I don't know if that really makes sense. But, Tyler, how do you feel about it?
[00:22:39] Speaker D: I think I've been really lucky to have some really good mentors at UA that once I've had a big win for myself, they've been able to give me a little more perspective onto how to be a better leader. So I think the best piece of advice is not to look at it as a competition. Because when you look at it as a competition, it makes getting that role the end goal. And that should never be the case. It's once you have the voice in the room that you've earned for yourself, what are you going to do with that voice? And that is the end goal. So that's the impact versus the competition. You're not making an impact just because you got a position.
[00:23:22] Speaker C: Yeah, 100%. I definitely agree with you. And I was like, the point that I was trying to make, but Tyler is doing it better than me.
[00:23:31] Speaker B: I thought both points were made. Well. And Tyler, as you were talking, I was wondering, is there an example you can point to where that's been the case?
[00:23:38] Speaker D: Yeah. You know, as a first generation college student my sophomore year, had a lot of struggle balancing academics with trying to get involved somehow, some way.
But I met a staff, UA staff, Kwa Kwong, who is also first gen, and he encouraged me to do everything I could.
So that sounds like core chasing, but the point is, you either find out what you like and at the same time, you'll find out what you don't like.
[00:24:07] Speaker B: Right.
[00:24:07] Speaker D: So eventually I got into Culver House Ambassadors at that point. I don't think many first gen, there wasn't a big first gen presence in that moment. So I felt really proud of myself. But he sat me down and he said, you've done what a lot of people haven't, but what are you going to do now. And that kind of shaped my perspective going into that year.
Trying to bring in more first gens and increasing their access to the opportunities on campus that I've gotten because of Culder House.
[00:24:37] Speaker B: Right, right. I think that's a great example and one that I wouldn't even characterize as core chasing as much as, you know, something that we mentioned earlier. Sometimes you have to engage yourself in different things in order to find out where your place is. Right. And I think that for me, core chasing is more going after something because it's a thing versus the experience or the opportunity I may receive to be a part of something that resonates with what I'm interested in and the community of folks that I can engage in. Does that make sense?
[00:25:17] Speaker C: Yeah. No, I agree. I don't want anybody to think that we're like holding two thumbs down to people that do a lot of stuff on campus. Right.
I think that the idea that is negative around this conversation is doing a lot of things on campus but not participating to like actually do something with it. Right. And just like chasing that fulfillment of self worth through having your name attached to a lot of groups rather than the work that that group is doing.
[00:25:49] Speaker B: Right.
Those external kinds of things that I attach my self worth to.
And if I'm looking for some kind of validation of who I am or needing to find some way to build my self esteem rather than relying on the qualities that I have internally or establishing those or trusting those, then I can find myself in a position where I'm trying to join everything or be involved in as many things as I can, only to find that in the end, it's kind of empty. It doesn't really resonate with the things that are important to me.
[00:26:35] Speaker C: Yeah. Let's have like a conversation about you get to the point where you're involved in a lot of things or you're applying to a lot of things. So potentially involved in a lot of things.
How can we, like, as people trying to fill all these roles, decipher between what's important to us and like, if we're doing it because that's important to us, like, you know, serving as an ambassador, it's important to you to guide prospective students through this big life changing, you know, decision versus attaching yourself to Culver House ambassadors? Because it's Culver House ambassadors, and that's really impressive. So how do we figure that out? I guess.
[00:27:17] Speaker B: And it's not always easy to figure out. And you know, do you. Do you come in with a notion of what's important to you and what to be involved with or how does that develop?
[00:27:31] Speaker D: I think it's easy for us to talk about it retrospectively, but in the moment when you're chasing all these accolades, you're just trying to get to the next goal, I guess.
Not sure.
[00:27:50] Speaker C: Yeah. I don't even think that is, like, you know, a bad thing, getting to the next goal. I think if that is your mindset, though, you need to do a little pre planning beforehand of, like, these are my goals because of X, Y and Z, like, instead of, you know, like, my heart wouldn't be in Culver House Ambassadors because I don't really like that type of work.
My heart is in SGA because I'm passionate about advocacy and helping students in that way. Um, so I think that for me, once I figured out, like, why I wanted to do a position and then put myself out there to do it, I felt a lot better than, you know, applying to a position because it was a position.
[00:28:36] Speaker D: Absolutely. I think setting those goals early, which is what I did subconsciously, I knew I wanted to get involved with communities that directly affected me because I cared a lot about the people in it. I think setting those girls early is how you can avoid just doing things for the thick of it.
[00:28:54] Speaker B: Right.
And what's the importance of also kind of knowing those values that are important to you? How much of those values play a part of the decision to be involved in certain things?
[00:29:11] Speaker C: Gosh, I think it's the most important, honestly. Like, I think that a lot of those values are what define you as a person and like, what kind of guide your moral compass or, you know, what you want to do with your life after. After school. I think that figuring that out for yourself is huge.
But that's not to say that you can only do things that relate to, like, those. Those types of things. You can do things for fun, for sure. Like, I'm in things that are like my fun clubs, you know, But I think that there needs to be some sort of attachment to that. That's like exceeding just having it on as a resume bullet point. Right. Like getting involved in a fun club for, you know, the community or like, the engagement with that and then defining those values and like, searching things for that has kind of a broader implication of, like, this is kind of maybe preparing me to better myself or preparing me to set me up for the work that I see myself doing. And, you know, that's. That's your life after. After school is doing that type of.
[00:30:21] Speaker B: Work for you, Tom.
[00:30:24] Speaker D: Yeah. That value should really drive what you chase on campus because you'll find that as you're going through all these organizations, you're going to have experiences with one organization versus the next. Of I'm getting a lot of energy from this one place and I'm not getting a lot of energy from this one other place. And you have to ask yourself why is that? And that may be because the work that you're doing may not resonate or just you don't really relate much to it anymore. And you find that out as you go with these four years in college.
But being in the room and making those decisions, it's important as a college.
[00:31:09] Speaker B: Student to kind of know what those values are.
[00:31:12] Speaker C: Yeah. I also think that you alluded to something really important that I think the listeners would benefit from is knowing when those values may have changed or your interests may have changed and not feeling like you have to keep doing something if you don't like it.
There have been things that I've stopped doing because, you know, my heart just wasn't in it anymore. And I felt like I was either disappointing myself or disappointing that organization because I wasn't doing it. But in reality, like if I had continued to do it without my heart being in the work, I would have done really subpar work. And I think that's an important thing to consider when you're navigating campus. For sure.
[00:31:53] Speaker B: Yeah. I would also say too, that again, the role of values and even overcoming this notion of how to define self worth is critical and particularly for men who can get caught up in this notion of competition. And I think a number, if not all men get caught up in competition at one level or another, whether it's cords or fantasy football or that kind of thing. But I think it's kind of knowing what your values are and knowing why you do what you do is so important. And I would hazard to say that, you know, even. Even the fact that we have this podcast, that Nick, you and Johnny are involved in it because of your values and what it means to you to be involved in this venture. And even, you know, today, Tyler, as we called you up, I imagine there's something that resonated with you about wanting to be involved in it.
[00:32:51] Speaker D: Yeah, absolutely. I think on IFC we have Project Thrive and that is a program in which we'll pay for third party mental health services and drug abuse services for college students.
But the caveat there is not many people are either aware of it or don't use it because there's this stigma around mental health. That's why I've always kind of tried to be in public with my issues and how I've dealt with things. And in that, you'll find a lot of people that have either shared their struggles or have some advice that they can give you. And those are the type of people I want to be around me, anyway.
[00:33:28] Speaker B: That's awesome.
[00:33:29] Speaker C: Appreciate that compliment. Yeah, Tyler actually texted me the other day giving us some kudos. So I, you know, coming from Tyler, that means a lot.
Seriously. Seriously. I think super highly of you. So I'm glad that this is, you know, hitting communities of people that appreciate it.
[00:33:50] Speaker B: Well, it's clear to me there's always more to talk about and certainly not enough time. And hopefully we can wrap up some of the things we've talked about today here in our last segment. This is the BAMA Balance. Real stories about college men's mental health.
[00:34:22] Speaker A: Wvuafm, Tuscaloosa. This show is not a substitute for professional counseling, and no relationship is created between the show hosts or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counsel Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
[00:35:06] Speaker C: Everybody, welcome back to the BAMA Balance. Over the break, we were kind of just chatting about, you know, some of the topics that were relating to this, and Tyler shared an excerpt from his journal from back in honors week. And we, me and Dr. Perez just thought it was so impactful. So I'm gonna give the floor to Tyler to kind of share about that and then unpack it a little bit.
[00:35:30] Speaker D: Yeah, so I had started journaling, like, once in a blue moon just because I'd heard that, like, defining your feelings by writing stream of thought would help you better work through those feelings. So a week before I got tapped as a Jason, I had written that I just had a panic attack that fully immobilized me. My hands tensed up and I couldn't breathe. I called my big brother just because I needed to hear someone say that I would be okay.
I think at this time, I had done so many things on campus and I should have been happy, but I really wasn't. And all the accomplishments that I made just raised expectations and the time commitments, and I've kind of lost focus on what was really important. So my room was a mess, my laundry wasn't done, and I had to do a lot of work. But hearing someone tell me that it would be okay really helped. But this past Monday, I had written again after a long weekend trying to get my life together, really. And I was reminded of that same excerpt. And I writ in my journal that I don't even remember what it was all about now. So that really goes to show that all this too shall pass. And if you take care of the demons in your closet, take care of your bedroom, your immediate surroundings, and that'll reflect outside.
[00:37:07] Speaker C: Yeah, I think that is powerful in a lot of things.
One kind of. On this conversation of, you know, maybe sometimes things outside of like, I, sorry, doing a lot can sometimes be really overwhelming and harmful.
But also like looking back on a year, essentially a little less than a year. But, you know, those worries tend to pass pretty quickly. Not to say that they aren't extremely important to you at that moment, because I was in a similar headspace around Honors Week, but that, you know, they're manageable to an extent to where they're not going to carry on.
And, you know, Tyler's taking proactive steps to kind of, kind of deal with those things. But this isn't something that necessarily is ingrained in you that, like, you're just gonna have to deal with, you know, like, there are steps to take to manage those expectations and those anxieties.
[00:38:15] Speaker B: Right, Right.
I guess the consequences of not managing that pressure or those maybe imagined demands for expectation can be pretty detrimental to your mental health in terms of experiencing that anxiety or depression or seeking sort of external ways to cope like drinking or use of other substances. And, you know, one of the things that you both mentioned is this notion of kind of losing focus or getting too caught up maybe in the thing, whatever that thing might be, that it can sometimes be easy to lose focus.
And what I always come back to is this notion of what is your true north in all of this? Right. What are those values that ring true for you? What is your true north that you can rely on to help sort of guide you back on track?
And not that, you know, that all the honors or all the involvement on campus is necessarily all about cord chasing or all about this notion of hustle culture, but that those accomplishments can be celebrated in a great way, like what we do on campus with Honors Day and tapping on the mound, all those great celebrations are wonderful. But also some of those.
Some of those accomplishments can come without fanfare, too.
And those are just as valuable, if maybe not even more meaningful, because they rely on those values and those things that, you know, to be important for yourself.
[00:40:07] Speaker C: No, definitely agreed. At the break, we were kind of talking about, you know, what was important to us in our college career. And I've definitely felt the most fulfillment in the work that I've done. You know, the recognition feels awesome, and a lot of that. I think what feels great about the recognition is, like, the intent in which you do it. I think that, like, receiving a recognition and you did stuff to. To get that award or what have you is super fleeting. But, you know, finding fulfillment in the work that you do and being recognized for that is, you know, twofold in how it feels good. Right. Like, the work that I did was. Was great, and that gave me a lot of fulfillment, and other people thought that was great, too, and I really appreciate that, Mark, on the work that I've done.
[00:40:59] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:41:00] Speaker D: I think we were talking in the break about impact, and I'd said that real impact on others is rarely just one grand gesture, but it's those small wins of the people that you help along the way and you meet along the way. And I think the recognition on honors day is bringing to light those small wins because you'll remember the people that you met along the way.
And now everyone else sees it, too.
[00:41:28] Speaker B: Right? Right. Well, no, I mean, both. Well said. Both kind of capturing the essence of. I think, what we've been talking about today as we're wrapping up today. One thing I'm also aware of is that that hustle culture is not just here, but it's going to show up in where you guys are after you leave here. And how are you going to manage that?
[00:41:51] Speaker C: Gosh. I mean, I think both of us are going into hustle culture type of fields. Tyler does mis cybersecurity. Is that correct?
[00:42:00] Speaker D: Yes. After this, I'll be moving to New York to do tech consulting.
[00:42:05] Speaker C: Golly. So, yeah, New York kind of breeds hustle culture.
[00:42:09] Speaker B: It's hustle culture central.
[00:42:11] Speaker C: And I'm going to law school. So, you know, I keep alluding back to how I used to feel, but to give a glimpse into how I feel now, I feel a lot less that I have to be the person that is involved in everything. And maybe that's just like, you know, hindsight being 20 20, but I find a lot of fulfillment in helping others at this point. So, like, having that as my. My value that I' the work for and finding fulfillment in, you know, fulfilling that role of helping individuals is like, what I'M going to focus on going through law school and as a lawyer rather than, you know, being partner or making the. If my future employer is listening to this, I don't want to discredit myself from maybe your promotion. But, no, I want the work to be my motivator and not the paycheck or the nice car or whatever.
Yeah.
[00:43:16] Speaker D: And I guess for me, New York's gonna be a scary one and there's a lot of hustle culture there, but after going up the mountain at Alabama and now at the bottom of it, I know how to regulate that and how to balance it, so I don't feel so bad about it even if I am successful.
So, yeah, I think taking care of yourself, I think rarely can you really give 100% if you yourself are not at 100%. So knowing that the goal is really just do everything because you can and help because you are the position to do so.
[00:43:56] Speaker B: Yeah. Nice. Nice. The, you know, the notion of perspective also is helpful for being able to sit back and look at things as they are now versus the way they were in the moment. What advice or what has worked for you?
What things have worked for you that you'd like to pass on to.
[00:44:20] Speaker C: Under.
[00:44:21] Speaker B: Underclass students or freshmen, sophomores?
[00:44:25] Speaker C: Maybe just take a second to look in the mirror.
You know, do what helps you go to sleep at night Better.
[00:44:36] Speaker D: Always.
[00:44:36] Speaker B: Good.
[00:44:37] Speaker C: I think that if, you know, you put your head down on the pillow and feel like, man, I made a good difference today, or I helped people through whatever organizations that I'm. I'm in, if you find that type of feeling, feeling or fulfillment, then I think what you're doing is great, and I think that you should keep doing that kind of stuff. But if you're not feeling that kind of, you know, good goodness coming from. From an organization, then maybe that's not what you should be doing or you shouldn't be, like, seeking out more involvements that do the same type of thing.
[00:45:23] Speaker D: I think for me, a large part of it was finding how. Finding out how to be gracious for what I have.
And I think part of that is finding your community and then doing everything you can to nourish that community.
But what I've, like, something actionable I've done is at the beginning of every year, I kind of start off with a couple quotes that I look back on, and that kind of keep me going. So beginning of senior year, the quote I have written down on my phone is, when I graduate, I want to be able to say that everything I could have done. I did. And when things are feeling tough, I can look at that and I can keep going. When things are going really good, I can be proud of myself for help things are going, finding community, being grateful, and living up to things that you set for yourself.
[00:46:21] Speaker C: Awesome.
[00:46:23] Speaker B: That just puts a period on all this. That was great. That was great. I loved it. Tyler. Tyler, thanks for joining us today as our first co host on the Bama balance. It's been great to have you. Hope that we can have you again around sometime before you head off to New York City.
[00:46:41] Speaker C: Yeah, man, it's been awesome. Thank you.
[00:46:44] Speaker D: Absolutely. And I. I definitely will take you up on that offer. My name is Tyler Lee. This is the bama Real stories about college men's mental health.
[00:46:53] Speaker B: Thanks for listening. I'm Dr. Tony Perez.
[00:46:55] Speaker C: I'm Nick Smith.
[00:46:56] Speaker D: And I'm Tyler Lee. Thanks for listening.
[00:46:59] Speaker C: There you.
[00:47:15] Speaker A: Wvuafm Tuscaloosa. This show was not intended as a substitute for professional counseling. Further, the views, opinions and conclusions expressed by the show hosts or their guests are their own and not necessarily those of the University of Alabama, its officers or trustees. Any views, opinions or conclusions shared on the show do not create a relationship between the host or any guest and any listener and such a relationship should never be inferred. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, please contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact a respective county's crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
