Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show host or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
[00:00:40] Speaker B: Hello, everyone. This is the Battle Balance real stories about college men's mental Health. I'm Dr. Tony Perez.
[00:00:46] Speaker C: I'm Nick Smith.
[00:00:46] Speaker B: And Johnny's out doing some grown up stuff today.
[00:00:49] Speaker C: That's right. Trying to find a job.
[00:00:51] Speaker B: Trying to find a job. He's interviewing or interviewing.
[00:00:53] Speaker C: I think he's talking to connection. He has. Okay.
[00:00:57] Speaker B: Like a district manager.
[00:00:58] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:00:59] Speaker B: Okay. So he's doing grown up stuff. So we're without him today. So we're wishing him the best.
Which I guess means that it's that much closer to graduation.
[00:01:09] Speaker C: That's right. That's right. It's getting scary. I have like two or three more assignments left to do and that's what's standing in the way of me, oh my God. Graduating. So that's kind of nerve wracking, but I'm glad that it's finishing up, but also really sad.
[00:01:24] Speaker B: It's got to feel kind of surreal in a way. Right. Because you got one foot still here, maybe two feet still at the University of Alabama, but another foot in Charlottesville, uva, where you leave for law school.
[00:01:38] Speaker C: That's right. That's right. I'm certainly excited about going to Virginia and making like all new friends and figuring out a new city and state that like I've been to four times, you know.
But it's definitely sad because, like, there are relationships here that, you know, I've forged over four years, so.
But you know, the good ones always seem to stay in touch, so.
[00:02:04] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:02:05] Speaker C: I'm not, not lamenting the loss or anything. It's just the proximity is definitely different.
[00:02:11] Speaker B: Will this be the. Will that be the longest you've or the farther, the farthest you've been away from home in terms of distance?
[00:02:17] Speaker C: Yeah. So I've. Well, not like travel wise, obviously, but like living w. I have lived in the same like 45 minute radius my whole life. So like I'm from Birmingham, grew or like was born in Birmingham, have lived in Hoover, came to Alabama, which is like 45 minutes away. And then. Yeah, so nine hours away is definitely different.
[00:02:44] Speaker B: That's going to be so huge. I'm excited for you. That Charlottesville area is great and Sam Guerrero is up there.
[00:02:52] Speaker C: That's right.
[00:02:52] Speaker B: Is Sam the only person you know right now?
[00:02:54] Speaker C: No. So there are a few. Isaac Sherman is up there.
Bess Martin is a 1L. She is the sister of the person that's taking over my position.
So there's a decent Alabama crowd, and we have a few Alabama people that were accepted.
Obviously, Abby's coming up as well. She's also starting law school same time. And then there are a few people in my philosophy program that are thinking about it. I'm not sure if they're committed to coming, but hopefully so. So we have people to watch football games with on Saturday.
[00:03:35] Speaker B: I was just about to say you're going to enter into the. Into the ACC conference, and I don't know where in Charlotte. I'm sure Sam and others know where the gathering spot is.
[00:03:45] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm not sure. I don't even know if there is one at this point.
It didn't come up. So maybe that's something that we pioneer this year.
[00:03:55] Speaker B: I think you plant a big screen TV on the lawns of Monticello.
[00:03:59] Speaker C: Yeah, there are probably restrictions on that, unfortunately. Historical sites, maybe, like big screen TVs, but.
[00:04:08] Speaker B: Yeah, but it's something to consider anyway. Yeah, I mean, that would be kind of fascinating.
[00:04:12] Speaker C: I'll figure it out, I'm sure.
[00:04:13] Speaker B: I'm sure. No, it'll be a lot of fun. I'm excited for you and Abby, and it'll be great for Charlottesville to welcome you. I'm kind of aware, too, that graduation brings sort of this countdown in terms of time and the time left here.
And thinking about what we've done here with the podcast and just the array of topics and kind of the scope of things we've talked about has been, I think, pretty remarkable.
[00:04:48] Speaker C: Yeah, I think so. I think a cool thing about, like, these conversations and mental health in general is like, it really is tied into nearly everything and like, exploring how, you know, a variety of topics can. Can impact that. Mental health is not only important, but, you know, fun to kind of make those connections of like this, you know, makes me. This thing makes me feel a certain way and like, finding the language to attach to that or like the. The relation that you might have with somebody else who might feel similarly is really cool to me.
[00:05:27] Speaker B: One of the things that has really been, I guess, both a surprise and a pleasure to hear has been how folks, some Folks resonate with some of the episodes that we've come out with.
And at the same time, having some of our guests kind of contribute to the dialogue. It's been kind of nice to be able to get a variety of folks who are willing to kind of share their experiences and share in our conversations.
And to me, that resonates with.
Part of the reason why we got involved in doing this. Right. Was to be able to share those conversations and maybe even share the space for others to share their stories and share their experiences with others.
[00:06:21] Speaker C: 100%. I think when we're, like, planning all this out, we're thinking, like, how cool it would be to have guests on and, like, the mission of this is to, you know, grow. Grow the circle of, like, talking to people. Right. So, like, everybody or more people feel comfortable speaking out about this. And I think it's really cool that, like, now we're in the stage of people asking to, like, come on to share their story.
[00:06:49] Speaker B: I love it.
[00:06:49] Speaker C: That's something that we're going to have today. Yeah. With Carter Scott joining us in the next few segments. So that's something that we're excited about.
[00:06:58] Speaker B: Yeah. It'll be a lot of fun to have Carter join us today. So we hope you stick with us. This is the BAMA Balance.
[00:07:20] Speaker A: Wvuafm Tuscaloosa. This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show host or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
[00:08:04] Speaker C: Everybody, welcome back to the Bama balance. Like I mentioned earlier, we have a guest host today, Carter Scott. I'm going to give Carter the opportunity to introduce himself. So, Carter, tell us a little bit about you, what you do, where you're from, things like that.
[00:08:22] Speaker D: Yeah, guys, thank you for having me. Really appreciate the opportunity. I like Dr. Perez ACC shout earlier. I'm an Atlanta guy myself, so I'll give him a go jackets and a wahoo wah for Nick.
[00:08:33] Speaker C: That's right.
[00:08:35] Speaker D: No. Yeah. So I'm originally from Atlanta, you know, grew up, born and raised there. My parents are just now actually this. This next month or so, moving out of the house I grew up in.
No real family connections to UA before Coming here, it was kind of one of those things where it just kind of worked out that way. I wasn't really sure what was in store for me here.
Learned it as I went along, but I'm an operations management student in the Culver House College of Business doing my accelerated masters. And so I'll finish up my undergrad and my graduate degree in December. So I'll come back for the football season next year hoping to see what Coach DeBoer can put together. That's good.
Yeah. I've been a teaching assistant. I've been a tour guide for the College of Business.
I've held a couple exec positions in my fraternity, including president.
I worked on one of the SGA cabinets.
So, yeah, just kind of a little bit all over the map. All a bunch of stuff that I never really thought I would end up doing. But it was, you know, I worked hard and I met some of the right people and, you know, was. Was lucky enough to have those opportunities.
[00:09:49] Speaker C: That's awesome.
[00:09:50] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. No, thanks, Carter, for being willing to be here and join in our conversation.
I guess I was struck by initially, was that you came here knowing nothing about Alabama or having any connections here. What finally drew you here and what finally prompted you to say your yes?
[00:10:12] Speaker D: Yeah, so, I mean, it was my high school was. It was a private school, so there was a lot of that academic pressure. Obviously, being in Atlanta, there was a lot of kids going to UGA and Georgia Tech, and so. But Alabama was on the list. I knew that they had some very favorable scholarships, obviously. And it's a funny story, I never even took a tour. Like, I never got to talk to a Culver House ambassador or a Capstone man or anything like that.
I was just kind of here for one day, and then it turned out that once all the dust had settled, that it was the best choice to come here, both academically and financially. And so I kind of got here and, you know, I picked a major in the engineering school that I was okay with, but it wasn't exactly, you know, where I wanted to go career wise. So I made it through that first semester amid a lot of struggle. I had a trio of calculus, chemistry, and computer science.
I tell you, that was. That was a rude awakening. Holy sucks. It's a miracle. That didn't scare me off, but. Well, it did from engineering, not from ua. But, you know, kind of after that first semester, I did some. Some kind of soul searching and talking to my parents, and I was kind of like, you know, like, I really did like, My first semester here, even though I was told to go in with an open mind, I obviously didn't. I kind of was, you know, thinking about, okay, I'll go transfer, I'll go, you know, do something else, but I don't think I'll stay here. And after that first semester, I had really changed on that. I had, you know, some semi random roommates. I only knew one of the other three, but all of them were, were pretty smart guys as well. Similar, similar routines to me. And I made some good friends in Ridgecrest south and, you know, experiencing kind of my first football season and walking the campus and everything, it was kind of like, okay, I could see, I could see myself doing this.
[00:12:12] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:12:12] Speaker D: So then it was, you know, switched to operations management, which was more along the lines of what I wanted to do career wise.
And yeah, just kind of finding my footing with all of that.
I came back that January and talked to my advisor and got my schedule written out and dropped a couple classes and picked up a few more in that first week and a half.
And then it was kind of okay. At this point, that was kind of the leap of faith was I'm going to change from engineering, we're going to put this, this whole transfer to Georgia Tech thing to the side, and we're just gonna make the best of what we have here at Alabama. And, and it definitely the best decision I ever made. I could have never known it at the time.
[00:12:57] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:12:58] Speaker D: But in terms of the friends and relationships and opportunities I've had here, I wouldn't trade it for anything. That's pretty remarkable. But of course, at the time it felt, it felt a little bit like, you know, these goals that I had had were kind of crashing in on me and I was kind of like, you know, so it was very much a mixed bag at the time, but obviously looking back, I'm, I'm hugely grateful for it.
[00:13:21] Speaker B: So, you know, it's interesting that, that as you're talking, one of the things that one of the luxuries of being where you are now as a fourth year student and. But you've got another semester to go.
[00:13:32] Speaker D: Yes, I'm finishing up my fourth year. I'll be done in four and a half in December.
[00:13:36] Speaker B: So kind of being in a place you are now and where Nick is now, actually, you have, you have the luxury of hindsight.
[00:13:42] Speaker C: Yeah, that's right.
[00:13:43] Speaker B: You know, thinking about what was, what was it like and having the vision now to see it.
[00:13:48] Speaker C: Yeah, 100%. I think that, you know, I, compared to my freshman Self, I'm much more wise and would do things a lot differently.
But I'm glad that, you know, you had the forethought. Or not maybe. Yeah, forethought, sure of. Of making a decision that was strong for you and something that's setting you up to, you know, I've grown into a place like Alabama, so that's awesome.
[00:14:18] Speaker B: Has it. Has the. As a journey for you here been fairly smooth or what have been some of the things that you faced along the way?
[00:14:28] Speaker D: No, I can't say that I would describe it as smooth. More, I think more. It's just been. You know, people talk about the path that's winding, and I think it's very much been that.
So, yeah, it's. You know, the dust settled after the first semester. We kind of got our footing. We're like, okay, we're gonna academically figured some stuff out. Socially, I was, you know, okay, maybe I can give Greek life a try now that I'm gonna stick around here. I was very grateful for the friends and relationships I've made through that, and that's also given me a lot of opportunities.
And then, you know, you kind of start to get your footing again, and then as life tends to work out, you know, you kind of start to get the hang of things, and then you get. You get hit with something else. So, you know, around my junior year, I guess, you know, I started to talk about, okay, do I want to do this accelerated master's stuff? And I knew that that would pick up things academically. And at the same time, I was thinking, you know, I'm probably going to have these responsibilities as being a fraternity president. At the same time, I'm giving tours, I'm doing teaching assistant stuff. So there's a lot of balls to keep juggling in the air. And, you know, you're trying to handle all this stuff at once. And that was kind of where I kind of started to fall back into some of the prior habits I had had in high school, which, again, you know, you. You have so many things that you want to do between what you do in the classroom, what you do outside of the classroom. And it's about, you know, how do you balance all of that? And I had a great mentor of mine, angel, the former SGA advisor. And he gave me some really good advice kind of before I was starting all of all of those journeys as like, a grad student and a president. And he was telling me, you know, I told him I was worried about my work life balance, and he said, you know, the best advice he had gotten was to not treat it as work life balance, but work life harmony. Right. Because balance, in my mind, I always get the image of a seesaw, and you've got these two things that are working against each other and, but work life harmony, it's. It's more so that, you know, your work is a part of your life. It's not something that prevents you from living your life.
[00:16:33] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:16:33] Speaker D: And that, that advice has been really in the forefront of my mind a lot these past, you know, towards the latter half of my college career is, you know, while you have all these things that you're doing and all these involvements, they're not. They're not things that are preventing you from. From living your life or from. From being yourself. They're part of. Part of yourself. And, and so kind of reframing that has been really useful for me because it makes it feel like less of a burden.
[00:17:00] Speaker B: Right.
[00:17:01] Speaker D: It's more like an opportunity.
[00:17:02] Speaker B: So, like, it was really helpful to hear that reframe.
[00:17:05] Speaker D: Yes, A thousand percent.
[00:17:06] Speaker B: And it also sounds like you had mentioned that there were some things in high school that kind of. Were. That kind of cropped up again for you.
[00:17:13] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:17:15] Speaker B: When you were a junior, what sorts of things cropped up for you?
[00:17:19] Speaker D: Yeah, for me, I would. If I had to name them, I would probably say burnout and anxiety. So I'm sure many college students can relate to, you know, 100%. So you kind of work in this semester structure, and you get to the end of the semester and there's kind of this big final push. And depending on how your work is, there's a lot of work that goes into the whole semester, and it can be very easy to kind of just stumble across that finish line and then it's all over. And then you kind of just need a week to recover and you don't feel like yourself for a little bit there because you're just so much in this phase of just grinding.
And meanwhile, all the time that you are grinding, you're worried about the result. And so that's, that's the big thing with me is I, you know, I would be working and you're balancing all these classes and you're worrying about how it's going to work out as you're working through it, and then it's all kind of over and your body just kind of shuts down because it's this thing, you know, I've been relying on this anxiety almost for energy.
[00:18:20] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:18:20] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:18:21] Speaker D: And it's been pushing me towards this goal. And this anxiety of. Of failing and not reaching the goal has been driving me to reach that goal. And then, you know, it's over and you ended up with, you know, a B or an A or whatever your grade was. And then it's just kind of over and it's closed. And then your body just kind of. There's this gap.
[00:18:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:39] Speaker D: And, you know, so kind of back to the balance, harmony thing. You know, you don't want the work to be something that takes over you and is the only thing that you're doing, because then when. When there's the absence of that work, there's just real emptiness that can sometimes creep in. And so that was in those two. Kind of ended. End of my junior year of high school when Covid hit.
And then kind of the middle of my junior year here, right as I was kind of reaching my peak, busy, I guess I could say. Yeah, that was kind of the feelings I was feeling was there was this anxiety which led to this burnout. And then when both had gone away, there was just kind of this emptiness. And I was like, whoa, now that I don't have this work to do, like, you know, what, what. What am I doing? You know, what's my identity?
[00:19:24] Speaker B: Right.
[00:19:25] Speaker D: And so that, that was really, I would say, a key part of. Of my mental health journey is kind of talking about that question and that, you know, that involved therapy and really leaning on my. My friends and my parents and, you know, talking through that with them and. And also, of course, therapy.
[00:19:45] Speaker B: Yeah. I was going to say you, you. You had a lot of insight in terms of that, the anxiety and the burnout aspect. I was wondering kind of, where did that insight come from?
[00:19:54] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:19:54] Speaker B: Can you talk about kind of how you gained that insight through your work and your therapy?
[00:19:59] Speaker D: Well, yeah. I mean, my mom and my dad have always been huge advocates of mental health. And, you know, my mom was a big one that was like, you should, you know, you should go talk to a therapist. And I was very defensive to that. Again, kind of these two periods. End of junior year of high school, halfway through junior year here, I went and saw a therapist. And I was extremely defensive about it. I, I thought that, you know, it was very much of, you know, there's nothing wrong with me. There's nothing that needs to be fixed. I get, I get good grades. You know, I'm on the cross country team. Like, I'm going to go to college. Like, there's nothing with me that needs to be fixed, you know, and that was very much, obviously, when you go into. With that mindset, you're going to be super defensive.
And so then the second time around, it was kind of to the point where I was like, okay, you know. Yeah, like, I. This is something that I want to talk to with a professional about. Right. And it was heavily useful because not only did. Did my therapist help me kind of really think through what and name those feelings, that's a big part of it is kind of naming, you know, what it is that you're feeling. She was like, what. What does your body physically feel like? And then let's put a name on that feeling. And that really helps you break down where you can kind of. Is that feeling originating from what. What is going on in my life that's causing me to feel that way? And that's made me a lot more cognizant of, you know, I know now that when I get stressed, I tend to get like a sore throat or a scratchy throat. And I can. So, you know, I. And I can feel. I can notice that with my body now. Yeah. So that was a very helpful thing is, you know, my mom, you know, had gone to therapy for a long time and talked to me about how much it helped her. And then that was really, at that point, the second time around, I was like, okay, like, this is probably something useful that I should. I should give a chance and I should actually, you know, put my heart into it and. And see how it's helped. And it really did help me quite a bit.
[00:21:55] Speaker B: You know, what's interesting in that I appreciate you sharing that is, is, you know, this notion of finding the language and finding the words to express how we feel. And we had talked about this in a previous episode on Grief, where men, A lot of times men have. They struggle with finding that language of feeling and how it can sometimes be a real struggle just to identify what those feelings are.
You know, when you might be stressed. If, like, for me, a sure sign, A sure sign that I'm feeling stressed in terms of my bodies, I get this eye twitch.
[00:22:41] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:22:41] Speaker D: Oh, that's.
[00:22:42] Speaker B: I've reached that point where I need to do something differently. Right.
[00:22:45] Speaker C: For me, it's like, back of my neck gets hot and, like, I can feel like my clothes on my body, you know. Yeah. I think that a lot of time, kind of like what you're saying is, you know, men think very binary of, like, this is a good feeling or this is a bad feeling, but that range of emotion, like, we simplify it down to that and that complicates things tremendously.
[00:23:08] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think makes it kind of difficult or what is the challenge for men? I guess, particularly college men, that that makes it difficult to find the words, honestly.
[00:23:25] Speaker C: I think for me, so like being able to describe my feelings and Carter, you might be able to attest to this or offer something different, but it came to exposure about talking about it. So it was like hearing from my friends, like, oh, I felt this when this happened. And like I'm pretty sure this is like anxiety or whatever. And like same with going to a therapist where it's like I could trust a trained professional to be like, oh, like what you're feeling is very common, like a very common, like not or symptom of like anxiety or whatever.
So I think that just like, you know, having conversations about it, like show that this isn't just like a me bad feeling. It's like this is like a common experience for people that have anxiety, have depression, have burnout, things like that.
[00:24:20] Speaker B: Right. Well, it was interesting, Carter, because you, you also, you mentioned this notion of early on feeling hesitant or somewhat skeptical about therapy and counseling and that there was something that needed to be fixed. Meaning that there was some feeling that you were broken in some way or something was broken in you. Yeah. So how did you arrive at reframing that or how did you feel when you came to that insight?
[00:24:49] Speaker D: Yeah, I think it was, it was more of seeing it not as a personal fault. Right. But more of a self improvement. You know, I think that that's a thing where there's very much, we see it all the time on social media, self help gurus and it's, you know, I have this awesome daily routine and you know, if you, if you just meal prep and work out a ton and you know, take an ice bath at 6am that's going to fix all your problems.
And of course a lot of that's just noise, but if you're constantly inundated with it, it's to see it. But yeah, for me I think it was reframing it not as a personal fault that I, that I was talking to a therapist, but more that it was like, okay, this is now something that I can do, like going to the gym, like eating better, that will make me feel better as a person and will, will help me get to the places that I want to be. And so I think that reframing of it was really what helped me. And it wasn't, it wasn't one conversation or anything that really got me that way. But it was more kind of this slow transformation of, you know, oh, I feel a lot better after I talk to my therapist for an hour, you know, and I feel. I feel lighter.
[00:25:59] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:26:00] Speaker D: I feel like there's less thoughts bouncing around in my head, and I've now expressed and named those things.
[00:26:07] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:26:07] Speaker D: And being able to do that just really helps kind of process those feelings.
[00:26:11] Speaker B: So I think your experience in counseling and therapy is really interesting and something that we haven't heard a lot from from other folks who've joined us, and maybe that's something we can continue sort of in this next segment.
[00:26:22] Speaker C: Yeah. I think that, you know, your story is empowering and something that is, like, common amongst a lot of people, something that I've certainly experienced myself. I think that we should unpack a little bit more about, you know, the success that you've had in dealing with these things and maybe some of the shortcomings. So you guys stick around, and we will do that in segment two.
[00:26:59] Speaker A: Wvuafm Tuscaloosa. This show is not a substitute for professional counseling, and no relationship is created between the show host or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective county's crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency.
[00:27:43] Speaker B: Welcome back, everyone, to the BAMA Balance. We had this pretty energetic conversation, last segment on counseling and being in counseling and the experience of what that's like. So we want to kind of continue that in terms of our discussions here and maybe even talking about, you know, the experience of college men in therapy. So, Carter, I know you had talked as a previous segment about exploring your own experience in counseling and kind of talking more about that.
[00:28:16] Speaker D: Yeah.
So, I mean, it all kind of at the same time it was started. You know, that as well as some medication.
And I encourage everybody to do your own research and, you know, figure out what works best for you on that front. But a conversation that sticks in my mind is when I had with my dad and I was telling him about, you know, I have a very good close friend that is.
That's very helpful for me in terms of kind of helping me verbally process things that are going on in my life, whether it's, you know, balancing school and everything or, you know, potential relationship or just Whatever's going on.
Sorry. And what he told me was, you know, it's great that you have a friend that you feel like you can talk to about that and that's awesome and you should continue to do that. But also you don't want that to become the centerpiece of that relationship. And that, and that was his kind of way of encouraging me. Like, hey, like this is, this is stuff that it's great to have a friend to talk to about, but it's probably better to talk to a therapist about it. And you know, and it's one of those things where like, as a friend, I encourage, if I have somebody that needs to talk to me about that, I'm always open to talk about that.
But also it might be, you know, let's talk about our shared experiences and how I felt the same way as you. You're not alone in that feeling. And then maybe together, let's go to the UA counseling center or let's, you know, or maybe call your mom and dad and see like, hey, does, you know, is there an insurance provided therapist that I can call and talk to? And so it's kind of about, you know, it's, you know, you want to be able to talk to your friends and those shared experiences. And that's great. And, but also therapy is also great and, but it's not necessarily going to fit on the first time too. And I think Nick was kind of talking about that is that it's not always that the first therapist you talk to is going to really click with you.
[00:30:14] Speaker B: Right.
[00:30:15] Speaker D: Very much a thing that you have to try on for size.
[00:30:17] Speaker B: Right?
[00:30:17] Speaker C: Yeah, definitely. I've like, you know, gone through a few different. Sorry, that was probably not the best way to phrase that. I've had a few different therapists where like, you know, that journey is not exactly linear. Right. Where it's like I'm finding somebody on the first try where like this is the match. Right. And I don't know if you should go in necessarily expecting that because it's a little discouraging when it's not, especially when you're first getting started out. But I think that there are a ton of therapists out there.
[00:30:54] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:30:54] Speaker C: And like your person that you can talk to and have a therapist client relationship with in a way that you're addressing your problems and feeling heard and feeling like you're giving like good ways to approach things. It's, it's out there. It just takes a little bit of work. And that's not really an idea that a lot of people have in their mind when they're getting started with. With the process. Because, like, getting up to going to therapy is enough of a thing.
[00:31:23] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:31:24] Speaker C: Figuring it out is like another battle.
[00:31:27] Speaker D: It'S another hurdle, and it's kind of. It's discouraging.
[00:31:30] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:31:30] Speaker D: Great.
[00:31:30] Speaker B: I was just about to say, how did you feel initially when you were considering going to counseling, going to therapy for both of you?
[00:31:39] Speaker C: I was.
I think it got. So I started going to a therapist or a counselor when I was in high school.
And at that point I think I was just ready to like, do that because I was at the point where I was like, I think it would be beneficial. And it was like so normalized to me beforehand by like my parents or by like my school or what have you, where they're like, yeah, like even therapists have therapists. I was like, yeah, these people, like, are talking to people like, who am I? The 16 year old that knows not much about mental health is to like, stick my nose up at that. Yeah. Right. So I think that it was fine, but going through it was like discouraging at times, kind of like for what we've mentioned where it's like, you guys said that this would help and it's like, not really helping for a variety of reasons, but it's kind of like dating, you know, you gotta figure it out.
[00:32:46] Speaker B: The relationship has to work.
[00:32:48] Speaker C: Yeah, right.
[00:32:49] Speaker B: Yeah. Did you feel the same way, Carter?
[00:32:51] Speaker D: Yeah, I mean, I pretty much just on the recommendation of my sister, she was like, this is my therapist. And we already had that connection. And so, you know, we scheduled the first appointment. It was kind of a little bit by force. My mom was kind of like, hey, your appointments, you know, in two days.
[00:33:09] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:33:10] Speaker D: And so then, you know, the therapist reached out to. And. And we got it scheduled. And, you know, luckily it was. It worked out pretty well that she and I were able to. To talk about, you know, all the things that I was feeling. And it was kind of a natural progression after that. The only reason we really stopped talking was she wasn't licensed to practice in the state of Alabama. So it was.
She was back home in Georgia.
[00:33:34] Speaker B: Right.
[00:33:35] Speaker D: And we were doing these zoom sessions and, you know, towards the end of. Of last school year, last May, she was like, hey, like, if you're, you know, my internship was in Huntsville last summer. So she said, if you're going to be in Alabama for the summer, you know, we're not going to be able to keep speaking. And she's like, I have the names of other People that I'd be happy to set you up with. I had a couple recommendations from a friend of mine.
So really that was kind of like, I was like, okay, you know, I feel like we've talked through enough that I felt comfortable that just taking a little bit of a break from it.
I continued with medication, but, you know, I think both, both can really help. And it's kind of about, you know, which one of those you feel like really helps you process through things.
[00:34:21] Speaker C: Yeah. And the medication thing's also like a process too. Like, absolutely. I've taken different medications to, like, combat some of the, you know, mental health issues that I've had. And like, that's a process. Like, some have worked for me really well, some not so much. And then, like, what I'm on now I feel like is extremely helpful and like, I function, function well, but that's also something. So, like, I guess the point of me pointing that out is like, this isn't like a quick fix. Like, this is something that you have to dedicate some time to.
[00:34:58] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, the key word is process. Right. Sort of process. And it's establishing that relationship and therapeutic relationship with someone that.
That is going to be invested in your mental health.
And it's unlike any other relationship as someone who is that person. As a psychologist, it really is a kind of a relationship in which I know when I'm working with students, it's something that feels very. I feel very honored to be a part of because there are very many relationships that allow you to share your life and your thoughts in that same way. Right. And it's a very, it's very in depth, very trusting kind of relationship. And so to find the right person you can connect with is really key.
[00:35:55] Speaker D: And building that trust also.
[00:35:56] Speaker B: Building that trust. That's right.
[00:35:58] Speaker D: Your first two appointments is.
[00:35:59] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:36:00] Speaker D: I mean, at least in my experience, it took, you know, about two or three appointments to really. For me and my therapist to really understand each other and to understand what. What the I air quotes problem was that we were trying to solve.
[00:36:13] Speaker C: What.
[00:36:14] Speaker D: What's the goal? What's the goal of these sessions? What are we really trying to get at the core of.
[00:36:18] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, I think that. So I was going to bring up a point that that's a pretty natural segue to is like there are a ton of different types of therapists and how they carry out, like, that practice. Some are there to listen, some are there to give you actionable steps, wide variety on how they care or like, conduct themselves in that. That situation. But like, that's all to say, like, they're not bad if it's not a match or like, you shouldn't feel like you have to settle because this is what therapists do. Like air quotes. This is what therapists do.
But, like, looking for something where it's like, I want somebody to listen to me. I want somebody to tell me, like, how I can do this well or whatever. Like, that's so, like, there's a variety for you to choose from.
[00:37:08] Speaker B: Very, very much so. I know the most productive work that I've had in working with students is when I can ask them, for example, nick, tell me what you need from me. And then we kind of go from there because then I'm honed in on what's most important for you and how we can best kind of approach this, you know, the situation, this concern. There are a lot of things I think that, that we can continue to talk about when it comes down to taking that step to find a counselor or to find a therapist and which ones are best for you, which ones work well in terms of the concerns you're presenting and the way in which you want to approach them.
I really am very appreciative of the two of you opening up with your experiences in that. And I know as we approach the last segment, we can maybe wrap up with some of those final thoughts and then. And really your. Your thoughts on how others can start to consider is counseling right for them? And if it is, how can they take those next steps? So I really appreciate that from both of you. So stay tuned. We'll be right back. This is the Bama Bal.
[00:38:39] Speaker A: Wvuafm Tuscaloosa. This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show hosts or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
[00:39:23] Speaker C: Everybody, welcome back to the Bama Balance. To finish this up, we just kind of want to do some high level, like what's worked for us in therapy and give some advice on how you can get started if that interests you. I think, like, biggest thing for me and car kind of sounds like you had a similar story, was like, you know, just doing the initial push of like getting in there and like, once you're in there, like figuring it out, going in with an open mind, like open to the conversation, do you feel like that's generally.
[00:39:56] Speaker D: Absolutely. It took me many initial pushes from, from my parents, from my sister, from friends that was, it took a lot of pushing for me to finally take that leap of faith. And I've had, I've had the pleasure and the privilege of being able to be that push for other people.
It's been a big thing is like, you know, it's the follow up conversation. Right. A lot of people will say, you know, reach out to me if you want to talk. And maybe that first, that's a hard thing as well, is, you know, you're putting the, the, I don't want to say burden, but you're putting the onus on somebody else to initiate that conversation.
[00:40:35] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:40:35] Speaker D: And if you, you know, but really that second conversation where you say, you know, hey, we talked about this last week. Why don't, you know, why don't you, why don't I pick you up and like, either let's go get lunch and talk about it some more or let's, you know, let's let me, you know, drive you to the counseling center or let me give you the name of my therapist. Right. And you give them a call.
[00:40:56] Speaker B: Right.
[00:40:57] Speaker D: So I think, I think for me that's, that's kind of why I, why I like being so open and talking about it is that it took me a lot of pushing. And so I hope that that encourages people to, you know, reach out to your friends, reach out to people, you know that have gone to therapy and ask them about that, ask them about, you know, the name of their therapist or if it worked out for them.
[00:41:17] Speaker B: What would the two of you say? Because there's this notion, and we've talked about this before, of viewing seeking help or going to counseling as a weakness. And you know, part of the way we try to counter that or reframe it is that it's more a show of strength than weakness. How would you respond to that, to someone who's hesitant or questioning whether or not counseling can be helpful for them?
[00:41:47] Speaker C: I think just my view on it is kind of like what you said at the end of that was that it's like a show of strength because it takes a lot of courage to do that and put yourself in a situation that you're not necessarily comfortable with. And then an additional thing like moving forward and talking about it openly and being that encouragement for other people, People, I think that's really cool. Like, and that's pretty simply just like my view on it.
But I think that like resembles somebody who not only cares about themselves but like, cares about the people around them enough to like put themselves up for the people that might think that's uncool or weak, you know. And I think that people who possess the quality of caring more about helping people or helping themselves over the appearance of looking quote unquote strong or having it together is like much more admirable.
[00:42:49] Speaker D: Oh yeah. I think I touched on this earlier, but for me, I really think it's like, you know, people talk about New Year's resolutions, so I'm gonna eat healthier, I'm gonna get in the gym, I'm gonna do all, I'm gonna sleep better.
I really view it as that, you know, it's not, it's not like a weakness. It's. It's a thing you can do to make yourself feel better at the end of the day.
And like we've touched on. It's not a one stop shop. It's not a quick fix but, but it's part of, of being a well rounded person. And it's not only your physical health, but your mental health deserves just as much attention. Right as that. And, and like Nick was saying, it's not, it doesn't need to be a thing where it's viewed as a weakness. I think that it's a strength to care just as much about your mind as your body and the other aspects of your health.
[00:43:44] Speaker B: Caring for yourself in a very holistic way.
[00:43:47] Speaker D: Oh yeah.
[00:43:49] Speaker B: What steps would you recommend then to a friend or someone who is considering going to counseling, considering going to therapy, but doesn't know where to start?
[00:44:00] Speaker C: Yeah, I think that for me it was kind of talking to my friends that had like experience doing it, like getting their takes on how they went about it and what worked for them.
[00:44:14] Speaker B: Right.
[00:44:16] Speaker C: I think that our counseling center is a great place to start if you're a UA student.
There are very well capable people.
[00:44:27] Speaker D: Also the, the embedded therapist.
[00:44:30] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:44:30] Speaker D: In multiple colleges. I know that we in the business school have one. I'm not sure exactly which colleges.
[00:44:35] Speaker B: Right. So that was an initiative through our counseling center. So, so, so Culver House, we have engineering, ches C and I s honors. And then we also have one in housing and residential, which is great.
[00:44:48] Speaker D: Yeah. That's really awesome.
Yeah. Similar to what Nick said. Reaching out to other people, reaching out to my friends and really talking about, you know, okay, like how did you, how did you start this process. Yeah. Have you felt this way that I felt. And did therapy help with that? I think really just, you know, and don't be afraid to initiate the conversation. And that's kind of what. What this podcast is. Right. And that's kind of why I wanted to be on it. I wanted to of, you know, be able to. To help initiate that conversation and share stories that, you know, it's something that a lot of people do, but not a lot of people talk about. And I think that it's. It's really useful to hear.
[00:45:30] Speaker B: Right.
[00:45:30] Speaker D: To hear people talk about it, because it. It makes you feel less alone in feeling that or that it's less unique of a feeling. And a lot of people, I think, find comfort in that. I certainly did.
[00:45:44] Speaker C: Yeah. Another piece of advice to anybody who's, like, considering, like, administratively how to get into it, I think usually, like, your primary care doctors have some generally decent resources on where you can look for, like, where your insurance covers and things like that. So also, if it's like, you don't have time to get into your primary care or whatever, you can do cold calls to these. These therapist and say, like, hey, do you take Blue Cross or whatever?
And they're happy to help.
[00:46:18] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:46:18] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:46:19] Speaker D: I got my prescription for my antidepressant through the. Through the student health center. Yeah, I went and saw the psychiatrist.
[00:46:28] Speaker B: That's right. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. We have a great relationship. Our counseling center and the psychiatrist and student health center work really well together to collaborate and work with students to find that Right. Sort of need.
[00:46:44] Speaker D: And again, that's just the disclaimer about that.
It's not like you take the pill and that makes everything go away. It's part of a solution. It's trying on different therapists and different medications and how those interplay.
[00:47:00] Speaker B: Sure.
I really appreciate both of you for sharing your experiences. And as episodes go, it's typical that we don't know where the direction will go. But I love the fact that we were able to have you, Carter, today and have you both kind of share your experience.
[00:47:19] Speaker D: Thank you all so much for having me.
[00:47:20] Speaker C: Yeah, Carter, you're the man, dude.
[00:47:21] Speaker D: This was great. I really enjoyed it.
[00:47:24] Speaker C: Yeah, we loved having you on Super Natural at it. So we're best, for sure.
[00:47:29] Speaker B: I appreciate it.
[00:47:30] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:47:31] Speaker B: So thank. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think that, that, you know, looking down the road, you've given us some thought about, you know, you know, next steps to take. Other folks who want to join us in this circle, as Nick has sort of mentioned. We mentioned we want to draw the circle wider so we invite more folks in on the conversation.
[00:47:51] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. If any listeners are really interested in coming to share their story, hit us up on Instagram.
[00:47:57] Speaker D: There you go, Dr. Perez. Got a cool office. It's great.
[00:48:00] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:48:00] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:48:01] Speaker B: If you want to. If you want to hang with us here for an hour or two. So.
[00:48:03] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:48:04] Speaker C: All right. Well, thank you guys for listening. This has been the Bama Balance, real stories about college men's mental health. I'm Nick smith.
[00:48:10] Speaker B: And I'm Dr. Tony Perez.
[00:48:12] Speaker D: Carter Scott.
[00:48:13] Speaker B: That's it. And we'll see you the next episode.
[00:48:31] Speaker A: Wvuafm, Tuscaloosa. This show was not intended as a substitute for professional counseling. Further, the views, opinions and conclusions expressed by the show hosts or their guests are their own and not necessarily those of the University of Alabama, its officers or trustees. Any views, opinions or conclusions shared on the show do not create a relationship between the host or any guest and any listener in such a relationship should never be inferred. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, please contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective county's crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
