The Bama Balance S02.E10: On Being a Man

[00:00:00] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show host or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. [00:00:41] Speaker B: Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the Bama Balance podcast. Real stories about college men's mental health. And you know, on that. On that subject of mental health. Yeah, I just about had a heart. I guess I wouldn't. This is my heart, not really my mind, but I just about had a heart attack on Saturday. [00:00:57] Speaker C: I was not good. I was. No, I was not. Well, Saturday. [00:01:01] Speaker D: Close one. Way too close for. [00:01:03] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh. I was not. I don't know that I've been that stressed. Watching football game at home. I was texting my brother and I said, college football is not good for my blood pressure. [00:01:15] Speaker B: I genuinely think it's taken years off my life. [00:01:19] Speaker C: It was. [00:01:20] Speaker B: I don't know how many, but it's taken some. [00:01:22] Speaker C: It was tough, right? I mean, you know, we, you know, we talked about this a little earlier. The. We weren't at our best, but I also think there's room for grace. Given the gauntlet that we just came through with those four wins, I think. [00:01:37] Speaker D: This is the most well deserved bye week of all time. [00:01:40] Speaker C: Heck yeah. [00:01:41] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:41] Speaker D: 100% getting after it. [00:01:43] Speaker C: Heck yeah. I was tired at the beginning of that game knowing what we were coming in with. [00:01:49] Speaker B: And I think it. It shows, like, oh, you know, we played a terrible game and somehow won. If we can figure out how to win those. [00:01:57] Speaker C: Right. [00:01:58] Speaker B: If we're playing half decent. [00:02:00] Speaker C: Right, Right. I love the fact that we didn't give up. We didn't look flat. You know, even going into that fourth quarter, we didn't look flat. But South Carolina, you know, really took advantage of how we weren't playing up to our best. [00:02:19] Speaker D: Yeah, definitely. I feel like last year too, that. I mean, that might have been a game that got out of control against us. So I'm excited. [00:02:29] Speaker C: I'm excited. [00:02:31] Speaker D: That proved. Yeah, proved a lot to me. So. [00:02:34] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:02:35] Speaker D: But I'm worn out too. I mean, I need a bi. [00:02:37] Speaker C: Week. There's no team maybe more deserving of a bye week than our team right now. [00:02:44] Speaker B: No, not at all. [00:02:45] Speaker C: Right. [00:02:45] Speaker B: Speaking of bye week, though, y' all have anything planned for fall break? [00:02:51] Speaker D: I think I'm probably just gonna go home. My uncle played in a band here. This would have been in. [00:03:01] Speaker E: Golly. [00:03:02] Speaker D: I guess. I guess like late 80s. Cheese brokers. Shout out to the cheeseburger. [00:03:08] Speaker C: Cheese broker. [00:03:09] Speaker D: Yeah, they were. I mean, it was like your average college band. Like, they went around here playing, and they played like, one gig a year after that, but it slowed down recently, and they're playing a Halloween party in Birmingham that's like a fundraiser. So we're gonna go. Me, my parents, my aunt, my uncle will obviously be there, and my cousins are gonna go watch him on. Watch him on Friday night. [00:03:39] Speaker C: I love it. So they're playing. Where did you say again? [00:03:41] Speaker D: Somewhere in Birmingham. It's like a fundraiser, Halloween party type deal. His stage name's Johnny Nitro. So we're gonna see. Hit on drums a little bit. [00:03:52] Speaker C: What. So what's their genre? What kind of music? [00:03:55] Speaker D: I mean, it'd be right up your alley. It's your 70s pop. Pop rock type. [00:04:03] Speaker C: Okay. Makes you think, that's right up my alley. [00:04:07] Speaker D: Like Jessie's girl, that sort of thing. [00:04:09] Speaker C: That's right up my alley. What makes you think that's right up my alley? [00:04:12] Speaker D: I think you really like that music. It's from your time period. [00:04:15] Speaker C: From the 70s. Yeah. There are other. There's other great music than Rick Springfield out there. I know, but, like, I mean, honestly, what is this? [00:04:22] Speaker B: What is your music? [00:04:23] Speaker C: My music. My music is defined by a movie that just came out. Springsteen. Deliver Me From Nowhere. That was my music. That was my music. [00:04:37] Speaker B: I do love Bruce. [00:04:39] Speaker D: They play some Springsteen. They play Eagles. I mean, they're playing everything. But that's my dad's music, so I figured. [00:04:46] Speaker C: I mean, your dad. So is he. Is he. There's a difference between Bruce Springsteen and Rick Springfield. [00:04:55] Speaker D: My dad likes all. [00:04:56] Speaker E: All of them. Honestly. I do, too. [00:04:58] Speaker D: I'm a huge fan. [00:04:59] Speaker C: Okay. All right. [00:05:00] Speaker D: I guess it's more up my alley. [00:05:02] Speaker C: But, I mean, I'm not. I mean, I'm not gonna knock it, but I just didn't know if I was being clocked as a Rick Springfield fan or something. [00:05:11] Speaker D: No, not necessarily. [00:05:12] Speaker C: All right. No, 70s music is good, you know, like sticks. Sticks is pretty good. [00:05:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:17] Speaker C: Right. Eagles. Great. Good. Solid. [00:05:20] Speaker D: Great. [00:05:21] Speaker C: Yeah. Good, solid. We're gonna have to get into this in the breakdown. Yeah, you just open something. But. But I think that I'm. I'm eager to see him. I'd love to. I love to watch him. He plays drums. [00:05:36] Speaker D: I'll send you some Videos. [00:05:37] Speaker C: That'll be awesome. [00:05:38] Speaker D: I think you'll like it. [00:05:39] Speaker C: I. I'm sure, actually. I'm sure I probably would. It'd be really good. I do like that music. [00:05:44] Speaker D: What are you doing for fall break? [00:05:46] Speaker C: I'm deciding right now. There's a big part of me that I don't know if I can say this. I don't know. Because I don't know that everybody knows this about me. You know it don't. I think you might know it, if not what you're getting, if not. Oh, if you don't know you. Edward, maybe. So there's this side of me that. [00:06:07] Speaker B: Is this the. [00:06:08] Speaker C: The motorcycle? No. No. Yes. Maybe it is. All right. Now that we're saying it. So, yeah, I think. [00:06:18] Speaker B: Is that confidential? [00:06:19] Speaker C: Yeah, sort of. Kind of. [00:06:20] Speaker B: Oh, was it really? [00:06:21] Speaker C: Yeah. Not many people know, which is okay, depending on how many people. [00:06:24] Speaker B: No, I thought. I thought you told everyone. [00:06:26] Speaker C: No, no, no, no, no. [00:06:27] Speaker E: You kidding me? [00:06:27] Speaker C: I don't tell everybody. You know my Batman stuff, but fair. But now that it's out there, gosh, this is really. Is really starting off well. So I know I haven't been riding in a while, so I'm thinking about maybe doing a short trip up to maybe Muscle Shoals or something like that. [00:06:46] Speaker E: Yeah. [00:06:47] Speaker C: On the bike. [00:06:48] Speaker D: Did you know I had. [00:06:49] Speaker E: Absolutely. [00:06:51] Speaker D: You are Batman. [00:06:52] Speaker C: Kind of am. [00:06:53] Speaker D: You've kept that one quiet. [00:06:54] Speaker C: I know. Until about now. That's also my fault. That's all right. That's all right. [00:07:00] Speaker D: Safe riding. [00:07:01] Speaker C: Well, thank you. I might buzz up and listen to the Cheese brokers. [00:07:06] Speaker D: Cheeseburgers. [00:07:07] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:07:07] Speaker B: Come on. [00:07:10] Speaker C: I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to it. Also looking forward to. We have a special guest on this episode today. Yeah. [00:07:17] Speaker B: I'm really excited to start talking to Cameron and we're gonna get into that more in our second segment, but we're just gonna take a quick break real quick. And you've been listening to the Bama Balance. [00:07:45] Speaker D: Wvuafm Tuscaloosa. [00:07:48] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show hosts or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA counseling center at. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. [00:08:30] Speaker C: Welcome back, everybody, to the Bama Balance. On this first segment, I'm Happy to introduce Cameron Morgan. Cam is our guest for this segment. Welcome, Cam. [00:08:39] Speaker E: Oh, my God. Thank y' all for having me. It's such an amazing honor to be on the podcast. I did my opportunity to do my little research, and it's been actually my friend Tyler Lee. I watched these episodes. It's great to be a part of this, you know, great initiative, you know, just to have these conversations. I'm glad to be here with y' all today. [00:08:56] Speaker C: Well, we're glad to have you again. One of the things we talk about is how much we really appreciated folks wanting to be a part of, part of the podcast and part of our effort to draw the circle wider when we talk about college men's mental health. And so we're glad you're here with us today. You want to tell us a little bit about yourself? [00:09:16] Speaker E: Yes, sir. My name is Cameron Morgan. I am from a small town here in Alabama called Butler, Alabama. It's like maybe an hour and 30 from here is towards the state line, like going towards Meridian, Mississippi. So that's where I always tell people our asses was born in Meridian because that was the closest hospital. But my major is management information systems on the STEM to MBA track. I'm graduating in May. And some of my former things that I did on campus. I was a former NPSC president. I currently serve on my national board for my fraternity. Mr. BSU. A lot of. I've been around on campus a lot with activities and stuff on societies, everything. So I real involved on campus. Oh, yeah, There's a little bit about me and. [00:10:02] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. No, it's. It's. It's great to have you here, camp. I think that I first met you, I guess, about a year ago, you were part of a panel presentation sponsored by bsu. Is that right? [00:10:14] Speaker E: Yes, sir. [00:10:14] Speaker C: Can you say a little bit about that, that program, what it was about? [00:10:17] Speaker E: Yes, sir. So basically the program, so forever, whoever is listening, it was a called manhood and Masculinity. So we partner with. Well, at the time, I was MPAC president, and we partner with to kind of get more of our men population more involved and involved in conversations because we saw like a drastic decline in like the men participate in events. So we just wanted to have an opportunity where we can have those conversations, but also get our men population to come out to support these events. So at the time I was talking to the BSU president, I was like, hey, I'm NPHC presidents. How about we partner with this great initiative to have these conversations with our fraternity leaders? So, and also other men on campus that are not. I also agreed to kind of bring in another population in to have those conversations. So I got one of my friends, Malcolm, who served on the board of NPAC at the time with me, Justin, who was a member Alpha. Then we also had Eli, who was a Sigma, and then I represented Kappa. And then we also had Jacoby, who was the president of naacp, involved on the panel. And so basically, we had opportunity where we kind of discussed those important, important topics of, like, what is a man and what does it look like as a college man? Because you're surrounded by different people with different experiences. And so we allow for everybody to have that dialogue and kind of express their. Their lifestyles and what, you know, experience they lived on. It was a great opportunity to kind of let the other men on campus kind of hear what us student leaders kind of go through and kind of make that normalize. And like, hey, even though we are student leaders, we go through stuff sometimes. We are still discovering what is manhood. Our. So it was great having that conversation. And we also had women in the conversation, too. So they also engaged with us as well. So it was just amazing. [00:12:07] Speaker C: It was a great program. This is in the spring, is that right? [00:12:09] Speaker E: Yes, that spring. [00:12:10] Speaker C: So it was right at the time when we were getting started with the podcast. And when I attended that program, I thought, there's something here in the air with our college men that these programs are now coming to light. And I thought, what better way to extend that dialogue than to have Cam here with us to talk about today? What is it like to be a college man on campus? What is it like to be a college man here at the University of Alabama? And in the context of mental health, what are some of those things that not only do our college men experience, but what is that like to be experiencing or addressing mental health issues as it relates to being a man or sort of growing into that. That identity, Right? [00:13:05] Speaker D: Yes, sir. [00:13:06] Speaker C: What was. What were some of the things that. That you took away from that program for yourself? Do you remember? [00:13:14] Speaker E: One thing I really learned is it's okay to. To say that you're not okay. And at that time, I was very busy. I was, you know, discovering who I was as a man. You know, throughout daily life, we always discovering who we are as men. But then also I was discovering, you know, leading other men or leading other people in my organization, too, so. And also balancing that and also being pulled in so many directions. I didn't know to say that I'm not okay. Because during that time, I wasn't okay because I was so busy getting involved and, you know, like your time, I wasn't really eating for real. I wasn't sleeping right. And my workout routine was so bad. But it taught me during that panel that all the men that was in that panel going through the exact same thing I'm going through. And having those conversations allowed me to feel like at ease or understand. I have a group of men in circle in which we ended it as we always. We are all brothers in this room. We're supposed to check up on each other. And so to this day, I check up on Malcolm, Jacoby, Justin, I check on all of them all the time. Because at the end of the day, it's good to have those peer to peer relationships and peer to peer conversations about, you know, what's going on in your life. And so that's one thing I learned hearing from them and hearing their stories and how they was raised and how masculinity was presented them. Like, maybe we're not so different after all. You know, we all in our different organizations and things, but it's amazing to have that conversation real. Like, we are all going through the exact same thing in different fonts in different shapes, but we are going through the same thing. [00:14:50] Speaker C: That's right. Brooks, you were, you were like sort of echoing something pretty strongly there for me. [00:14:56] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. It's okay to say you're not okay. I mean, we've talked about it on the podcast before. Like, that's such a big thing. That's misunderstood for college men, I feel like. And I agree with you, especially on the relationships part. Like you've got to have. You almost want to surround yourself with people that you can let know that you're not okay. And I can see where some people, you know, may be hesitant to let. Oh yeah, maybe people they're not as close with know that they're not okay. But I really like what you said about, you know, having that good. And I'm happy for you that you have that good group of friends that you are all on the same page and check up on each other and, and that's really important, especially in, in college, to have a group like that. [00:15:43] Speaker E: So really important. [00:15:45] Speaker B: I agree. I think it's such a. And we talk about it like there's always this perception about, like, who, like how we're supposed to be as men or how we're like, we're supposed to be strong. And it's like, I mean, yeah, we are, but what it means to be strong as a man is not. That's where I feel like the misconception is. Like, part of being strong is understanding when. And knowing when you, you know, need help. [00:16:09] Speaker C: Right. [00:16:09] Speaker B: When you need support. It's. It's knowing that, like, you, you know, knowing when you needed to try to be there for those around you on top of, you know, looking at your. Kind of like where you're at. So I think it's. It's just an important message. Like, it's okay to not be okay. [00:16:24] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:16:24] Speaker B: And that is strength. [00:16:25] Speaker C: Right. [00:16:27] Speaker B: Because again, like, you learn from failure. You learn from having to do things more than once. So, like, it's not weak to do any of that. So again, it's just a super duper important message. And I think it just means. It means a lot because it always comes from. I mean, like you said, like, you, you. You went through it, and that's like the takeaway. And I feel like that's just. It's a very. That. That's one of the strongest common takeaways when people go through a time in which they are constantly being pulled one way or the other. And, you know, I think it's important. It's important to talk about that because not a lot of people know, like, that's. [00:17:12] Speaker C: Not. [00:17:12] Speaker B: A lot of people learn that till after. [00:17:13] Speaker E: Yeah. [00:17:14] Speaker B: Like you said, like, you. That's how you learned it through that experience. Like, I'm like, Brooks and I, like, we've learned that through our experiences. But, you know, I'm glad that we can talk about it, because by talking about it, people don't have to learn that through that experience. They can learn that before that experience, because it's going to get there one way or the other. There's going to be those moments where that's happening. But knowing. Knowing kind of the answer beforehand helps you kind of work with it. [00:17:42] Speaker C: Right, Right. So. So no, I'm glad you mentioned that, Edward. So I want to. Let me take a step back and actually ask the question. How did you. How did you all learned to become men? And what did you. What have you learned? Or what are you learning about being a man now in college? [00:18:06] Speaker E: That's a great question. So basically, how I learned how to be a man was by, first of all, my dad. And my dad, he isn't the most. You know, Muncho has muscles. He's really the most. He's like my height, short. He's really chill. So basically, he told me, he basically showed me growing up to be secure in my man, my masculinity and my manhood. You don't have to be the most strongest. It's always about what's up here. He always told me to always be smart, to be intelligent, to be, you know, kind, to be remorseful, like, remorseful. Just making sure that, you know, it's not always about your physique or your physical, you know, strength. It's about your mental strength that makes you a man. And then also surrounded by, like, my uncles, my granddad, they always inside instilled in me that you don't always have to be, you know, strong, like, physically, like, you can be a man. You know, you can showcase your emotions and, you know, surrounded by that, you know, usually men are so grown up how you can't show emotion, you can't cry. Until basically they reversed that for me. They was like, you're vulnerable to cry, like, as a child. You are a child, like, you growing up. And, you know, it's okay to feel emotion. We cry sometimes. And to see. See them being vulnerable and telling me, like, it's okay, that kind of helped me kind of turn into where growing up in college now that it's okay, you know, to show their emotions. Like, a lot of my friends say I'm the most emotional man they ever met, but I'm gonna let you know if. If I'm very passionate, I'm. I'm a cry. I'm a cry for. For joy or sadness. So I'm very secure within that. And, you know, just. I'm glad my family kind of raised me around that. So it's really been a great experience, you know, growing up and being secure within your masculinity and then also showing that vulnerability as a man, which is kind of your greatest strength, because you're showing that, you know, you are emotionally intelligent to let somebody know where, you know, you're hurting. You're crying, you're happy, you're sad. So it's really. It's really been a great experience, you know, surrounding myself by my family and let them showcase me what true manhood really is. [00:20:10] Speaker C: So those messages or those examples growing up for you, Morgan, what. What would you say were the important messages that helped you sort of know how to be a man? And how is that true for you today? [00:20:27] Speaker E: Don't fight battles alone, because there's someone always, you know, rooting for you. Like, you know, sometimes I would think, like, my. My world is ending. Like, I'm like, oh, my God, this is the very bad day, and there's somebody in my Family or somebody that's looking up to me, like, Cameron, you're doing amazing things. Like, this one little, you know, issue is, you know, it's just a small speck of what the great things that you have done and I. My biggest, you know, worst trait is I get in my head too much. And so they always taught me, like, you don't have to fight those battles alone. You can always call your mom, your dad, your grandmother, your grandfather, your auntie. Somebody's always an open ear for you. Like, don't ever feel like you have to fight, you know, your. You know, your mental health, fighting. You know, you just fail the test. You just need somebody to talk to. That's one thing I. When being raised around them, you know, going through high school and growing up as a kid, you know, tell somebody that you're hurting. Don't ever fight those battles alone, because we won't know that you're hurting unless you tell us. So that opportunity just to be vulnerable to them and be like, hey, I'm hurting. I don't know what to do. Can y' all help me? And also seeking that advice was the best thing. [00:21:38] Speaker C: That's pretty key. That's pretty key. I love for the both of you. [00:21:41] Speaker D: I feel like, like you said, along the lines of family, that's probably my. I'd say, biggest influence, watching, you know, my dad, granddad, uncles. But I honestly think my second biggest thing would probably be playing sports, especially high school sports. I think that's when you bridge the gap between, okay, yeah, you've. You know, you're playing Little League, you know, your dad's there to make sure you're getting dressed and practice on time. And, you know, I mean, you've got to practice hard because your dad's watching you. And if not, you'll get in the trouble, like. But when you grow up and you move on to high school sports, and you've got to get to practice on your own, you've got to get dressed on your own, You've got to make sure you've got everything ready. You've got to work hard, because if it's something you love, you know, you've got to. I mean, it's worth fighting for for yourself. So I feel like sports definitely taught me a good bit. But second, I mean, absolutely. My parents, my dad, my granddad. [00:22:45] Speaker C: Yeah. So, yeah. What would you say Brooks has been the sort of the important messages that maybe your dad and your granddad gave you or that you learned from them in terms of being a man and how is that? How have those messages influenced you in college? [00:23:05] Speaker D: If there's one thing that I could say about both of them that I've watched him do is probably just, you know, standing up for the right thing, being a gentleman, but also, you know, doing what's right when nobody's looking. That's what, to me, that's what being a man is. When you're. When you're doing stuff right, when you're not trying to get praise for it and be, you know, get a thank you from it. As long as you're doing it, you know, that's. That's what means the world right there. So I think that's probably the most important takeaway. Just be your best at all times. No matter if one person's looking or a thousand people are looking. [00:23:44] Speaker C: No, I don't like that. [00:23:47] Speaker B: I think also for me, I mean, my dad, like, no, very, very blessed to have, I think, had the, the environment I had growing up, having him. [00:24:00] Speaker E: And. [00:24:03] Speaker D: My. [00:24:06] Speaker B: Small group leader growing up as well. [00:24:08] Speaker C: They. [00:24:09] Speaker B: I mean, they were really more of a mentor, honestly, but both of them were. Were just huge. And I think my development and kind of my understanding of what it meant to be that kind of individual like a man. And like, I think one of the more important lessons was, I mean, just like, how important kindness is in treating others. Well, not only from a sense of, like, those you, like, don't know, because, I mean, yeah, that's easy to do, but, like, especially like the people who you do know. Because sometimes, like, whether it's like your close friends or good family or family, like you'll. You can. I mean, you fight, you argue. Like, it's so easy to, to have division, but, you know, kind of reach, like extending an olive branch. Being forgiving and being kind, I think are two of the more important aspects of what it learns to be like a good man. Because, I mean, there's. There's obviously the, you know, societal interpretations of what that means or kind of the stigma you might put on yourself. [00:25:21] Speaker C: Right. [00:25:21] Speaker B: But what it means to, like, truly be a good man who wants to, you know, live for more than himself. I mean, I feel like those were two important. [00:25:31] Speaker C: Right. Well, I mean, there's so many different messages that, that college guys get about what it means to be a man or how you need to fit in to be a man. And in this environment, is college more challenging, do you think, or does it present? What kinds of challenges does being in college present to who you want to be as a man and how you've learned to be as a man. [00:26:02] Speaker E: That's a great point that you point that out. Because when I came here, it was kind of like a different switch over. Because being instilled in, growing up with that vulnerability, then coming here, you've seen all the different, you know, archetypes of men, right? You had the football players, then you had, you know, some of the guys that was more buffier. And I'm a short guy. So it's like you coming around different experiences and you kind of get, like, shell shock, I guess. I think that's kind of what I kind of experienced of shell shockness. Because it's like, you know, these guys, they're getting all the girls. They're, you know, they're themselves. And then I am more or not the most ma. I wouldn't say I'm the most, like, masculine presented man. But I'm like, I'm not really Buffy. I'm just short. But I would say, like, that was kind of, like, kind of messed up my self esteem a little bit. Because I was like, I was. It was the comparison game. I would like to point it out. Like, I'm comparing myself, like, oh, he's this, he's that. You know, I'm not that, or I'm less than. And I think that's what kind of like a lot of our college men do. Like, we play the comparison game and then. And it's like a lot of comparison and contrast. And it kind of gets into our head and it kind of mold us or kind of twist our mental framing of what we was raised on. It's like you going around a different environment without your mom, without your dad. And it was kind of like, I'm on my own. Not saying physically I was on my own, but I was like, this is my opportunity to create my life story. But it's so many other people that have better aspects up in me, quote, unquote. But that was kind of the most difficult part, playing the comparison game. [00:27:36] Speaker C: So you raised something really good here, Cameron. I mean, you talked about comparison and I'll call it competition. Right. And I guess as men, is it fair to say that I don't know that we're inherently competitive, but we enjoy engaging in good competition, right? [00:27:54] Speaker E: Yeah. [00:27:55] Speaker C: But when you start to compare yourself with others around you, what does that do to your own sense of self esteem? How does that impact your mental health? [00:28:05] Speaker D: I feel like it definitely impacts your mental health just because, you know, competition's not necessarily a bad thing. I think it's a great thing I personally compete in my classes. Like if I've got buddies in my classes with me, like, all right, bet I'm gonna try to outwork you in this class. [00:28:22] Speaker B: Do better. [00:28:23] Speaker D: But when you look at it from an aspect of like, like, okay, am I truly better than this person or is that person better than me? I think that's where you get into a little bit of trouble. Especially just because, I mean, everybody's different, everybody has different goals. And just to put it straightforward, like some people aren't going to be others, others aren't going to be some people. Like, everybody's different. So I don't think you can necessarily compare yourself to other people around camp campus just by looking at them or, you know, seeing what they have, what they don't have, what type of opportunities they have. I feel like that does nothing. But I mean, hurt you or even if it does boost your self esteem, like that's going to hurt you in the long run too. So. [00:29:10] Speaker B: Yeah, I think I would just echo all of that. It is a lot of stuff. But yeah, I mean, yeah, like, I think I really resonate with like the, like, what it means, like to compare. And there's, like Brooke said, there's levels of competition. Some are healthy, some are less so. And I think it's important to remember like where you are in life, like in your class. Like, yeah, like you, I think everyone should hope, should want to do well and you know, if you got a buddy or two in a class, be like, oh, I gotta, you know, whatever. But I think when it, it's also a class and it's your buddy, it's not like you're, you know, enemy of, you know, your existence. It's just, you know, I think understanding the context of where you are a lot of the time is, is, is huge when it comes to the competitive nature of whatever you're doing. To what level should you be competitive? Because at. It gets to a point where it stops being helpful, which it can be, it can be very helpful. But it gets to a point where it stops being helpful and becomes more of a distraction or a negative factor, negative thing. [00:30:23] Speaker C: So. Right. So as men, we can sometimes let our competitive nature get in our way. And it's important not to do that. It's important to maintain our true north. I'm going to go back to that. Right. And make sure that we know who we are and maintain that. There is so much that we've talked about and we can talk about and I look forward to continuing some of this. Some of this discussion in our next segment. This is the BAMA Balance. We'll be right back. [00:31:05] Speaker D: Wvuafm Tuscaloosa. [00:31:08] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling, and no relationship is created between the show host or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mentor, health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. [00:31:49] Speaker D: What's up, guys? We're back with the Bama balance. And as we were on break, Dr. Perez was made a good point. As a college student especially, you know, you kind of get the feeling that you, you may have to do certain things or you're looked at to do certain things a certain type of way, how you deal with stuff, how you handle different things. And I think there truly are some myths and realities on how college men are supposed to deal with mental health. And I think that overall can affect your mental health if you either choose the myth way or the reality way. I feel like one. One does hurt you and one does help you. So, Dr. Perez, do you have any thoughts on this or, like, how those make a difference in college men? [00:32:35] Speaker C: Yeah, no, I do. One of the things that we know or at least has been out there in the literature and working with men in general and college men related with mental health issues is that there are these myths in reality. So the myths about, you know, who should I be as a man, how should I act? And the idea of men being. Having to be strong all the time, we kind of talked about this, having to be strong all the time, having to. To feel like they can't be vulnerable, feeling like they aren't allowed or shouldn't share or show emotions, you know, those kinds of things tend to contribute to men's feelings of depression or anxiety. Right. I think that a lot of that, those internalized kinds of things really feed into college men's mental health. And so how much of those myths impact college men here at the University of Alabama? And is it. Are there ways that it can be that we need to talk about undoing or unraveling some of those myths? [00:34:04] Speaker E: That's a great point out. I'll always say, like, you know, from, you know, just coming here, you know, it's always been, you know, don't, you know, just move past it, you know, you got other stuff to figure out, you know, that's kind of like what, you know, was, I would say communicated, but kind of the indication like, oh, don't worry about it, it'll pass over. But some stuff just lingers, you know, some stuff just lingers in your head and then they be like, oh, just work out, just go work out or just, just go find something else to do. You'll forget about it. And if we keep continuously doing that, we're just only like finding coping mechanisms rather than addressing the problem or talking about it. Because if I just go to, every time that I go to the gym or every time I go do something to alleviate the pain or alleviate from thinking about it, it's going to be a coping mechanism and it's not going to be healthy, rather than just finding avenues and ways to talk about those issues and those topics. And I think that that's one thing I realized because what I would always do is, oh, I'm going to pick up a leadership position. [00:35:03] Speaker C: Right. [00:35:04] Speaker E: I think that's one thing I would say was one of my flaws too, is that I would use leadership to cope with mental health. [00:35:12] Speaker C: Okay. [00:35:12] Speaker E: And I really been analyzing it this past my old four to four to five years. I'm like, I really, every time there would always be something I would suppress my emotions or suppress my mental health, then I would go join something else. I use that. So some people do use organizations or use things to cope and. Which is not a good thing. [00:35:31] Speaker C: Right? [00:35:32] Speaker E: And that's one thing I will always communicate too, is that don't find coping, coping mechanism, get help, always talk to somebody, even if it's an advisor or a peer or somebody. Just talk about these problems and don't run from it. Attack your head on. [00:35:48] Speaker C: So I don't think I've heard that, but before. Cameron, can you give me an example about a time when you did that? [00:35:53] Speaker E: I think I keep myself busy, okay? I think I realize I keep myself so busy to the point where I don't even have time to even think about the. My, I would say my mental health. I don't have time to even worry about, oh, I'm not eating right, or I'm not, you know, I'm not thinking right or I'm in pain. So what I would always do, I would keep myself busy to the point where I would not have time to even have time for myself. And that's one thing I've learned like within, like leadership on campus. You know, we all are very, we all are very busy students as they always say. But also there's a certain, certain amount of too busyness to where it's kind of looking at like, are you okay? Like you don't have time to eat. I remember my advisor, my NPSC advisor shout out to Ms. Brittney Jordan. She asked me one time and I broke down to her, she was like, kim, do you even eat? Do you have time for yourself? Do you have any time to even talk about like, are you okay? And that's when I broke it down. I told her I wasn't okay because that was the first time in my college career where I had somebody to ask me, am I okay within all my leadership? And you know, sometimes we, usually some people do use leadership as a coping mechanism. I would say I, I was one of them to use it. And it's not a healthy, it's not a healthy outlook to let you know you keeping yourself busy. Leadership is amazing. Don't get me wrong leadership, it keeps you acclimated, keeps you involved on campus. But sometimes I'm starting to see the signs of are you too busy enough to even worry about yourself? [00:37:28] Speaker C: That's a really good observation. Really good observation. And it sounded like it took somebody else to see that, see that. And yes, that was what. So what. How have you done things differently? [00:37:40] Speaker E: Just take more time for myself. [00:37:41] Speaker C: Okay. [00:37:42] Speaker E: I think once I cut off, I really released. A lot of people say I don't. I haven't released a lot of stuff, but I really pull back how involved I am. I've been spending time even in Russell, Russell hall with Dr. Somerville, you know, going around bridge more. I've having more time to even, you know, travel, you know, with my fraternity. I'm having a lot of more time to myself to enjoy and see who Cameron really is outside of these organizations. Because sometimes I think I did used to let like organizations kind of make me who I am without allowing to figure out who is Cameron, you know, also identifying that masculinity and you know, you know, what is a man, you know, what are you outside of these walls or outside of these meetings? And so that's one thing I've been doing is taking time for myself and realizing who is Cameron is. So it's been a journey, but I've been really, you know, chilling. [00:38:33] Speaker C: It's one that, it's one that you're on. It's one that you sound like you're enjoying. [00:38:37] Speaker E: Yes. [00:38:37] Speaker C: What are. So do either of you have those? Have you. Are those, you know, keeping busy or something? I guess those maybe not busy, not unhealthy, but, but, but things, things that, that, that you do that disguise your, you know, the issues or concerns that you're having with your own mental health, whether it be stress or anxiety or depression. [00:39:05] Speaker D: I think I've been pretty fortunate to, to not have necessarily disguised it or anything like that. And when it has came up, you know, jump on it and, you know, work to fix it. But I mean, I mean, you know, I'm just very fortunate that I, that I haven't had to come to observation of myself doing something wrong or maybe not even knowing that I was affecting my own mental health by doing something. So I'm pretty blessed to say that I don't think I've really ran into any of those problems without just seeing it up front and being able to fix it. [00:39:40] Speaker C: Right. When you do see it up front, how is it, it, like, how soon are you able to kind of identify that for yourself? Brooks? [00:39:49] Speaker D: And probably I'd say fairly quick. [00:39:53] Speaker C: Okay. [00:39:54] Speaker D: I mean, I feel like anytime your, your mindset about something changes. Mindset about people change. [00:40:01] Speaker C: Right. [00:40:02] Speaker D: How you can talk to people, you know, you can tell. I, I feel like I'm pretty solid about telling when I'm mad or. [00:40:09] Speaker E: Yeah. [00:40:10] Speaker D: Upset about something. So I'm typically pretty quick to get on something. [00:40:14] Speaker C: Like, that's really good. How did you, how did you learn that? Or how did you, like, observe that? [00:40:21] Speaker D: That's a great question. I guess just, like, looking back, you know, I told you at some point this year that I like to spend, or I think alone time is, you know, quality. [00:40:32] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:40:33] Speaker D: Because it gives you time to think about, you know, what you've done throughout the day. So I kind of just run back through the day and, you know, like, okay, maybe I should have done this better. Okay, I was mad there. Like, why was I mad? What was I really upset about? So just taking a look back at what I've been doing throughout the day and just assessing why I feel certain ways about certain things. [00:40:57] Speaker C: I guess you could say it's really good practice. I like that. How about you? [00:41:02] Speaker B: I think there are definitely times where I've been so, like, I mean, like you said, just busy that, like, you forget to kind of take time for yourself. I think I'm very extroverted. Well, I don't know about Vera, but I think I'm more extroverted. So oftentimes, like, I do seek out to, like, be with, you know, be with other people, because that's how I get, like, energized. And that's how I feel like pumped up but at some point like a battery can only hold so much. Right. So like you kind of have to work things out and kind of burn off some of that mental energy. And for me that's just like by being alone. And I think how I approach that also like impacts things. If I'm, if I'm doing something that is productive or that, you know, I enjoy, even if it challenges me like that I still enjoy. Like I think that's also like a lot better ways to, to cope with kind of that those mental health moments, those stresses. Like if I'm, you know, if I'm like, okay, I need to just kind of take a couple hours to just kind of be alone. I think how I go about that like that time is equally as important as like understanding I need to spend that time alone. [00:42:16] Speaker C: Right. [00:42:16] Speaker B: Because I could, you know, spend those two hours just doom scrolling on social media and then I probably don't feel any better than I did before. Or I could spend it, you know, like trying to like, you know, play guitar or read or even, even if it's like you know, doing something like gaming or something along those lines. Like just something to kind of take my mind off of whatever else is going on. Something that's fundamentally different than whatever's stressing me out. [00:42:47] Speaker C: Have you found that being maybe over overly extroverted has been like you've used that as a way to distract against or distract you from, you know, feeling either not feeling stressed but either anxious or depressed or things that you know, you're dealing with that you would rather not deal with? [00:43:12] Speaker B: I think I have before. Um, there are certainly times where I seek out company just so that I'm not, I don't have to think about what it is. Maybe I just went through something. [00:43:22] Speaker C: Yep. [00:43:23] Speaker B: Um, or maybe I so badly want to talk to someone else about it or about something I'm going through as opposed to like kind of like really trying to understand how I feel about it. And again it's not, you know, I don't, I don't think I'm like always to be with people, but I think just the way. But I, I definitely like am more so lean that way of like am more extroverted. So I think there's certainly times where I've used it to kind of avoid self reflection and internalization of things that's going on around me. Maybe something that happened or even like a stressor and sometimes like the, the answer is be with people. [00:44:02] Speaker C: Sure. [00:44:04] Speaker B: And when it is like that's great because it's like, it's, it's easy and it's great for me. But when the answer is not that it, that's when it gets difficult. [00:44:11] Speaker C: That's right. [00:44:13] Speaker B: To kind of fill that time. Because often, like, I think sometimes, like, even when I'm alone, like, I, it, it manifests in a physical way, but it's like I don't, I don't want to have to think about anything. So it's always, there's always got to be some kind of noise, whether it's like music or like watching something. I think that can also be distracting even if I'm alone. [00:44:36] Speaker C: And I'm glad you really made that distinction too, about using friends to be with as support versus distracting yourself by being with others. I think that from what the three of you've talked about, there's a real level of kind of self awareness. I think that's developed as a part of learning how to be a man here at the university, which is pretty admirable to me. I think it says something that you each have an idea of what works for you. Also when you need to be honest with yourself and seek out friends and seek out support. [00:45:23] Speaker D: I also think it's very interesting, you know, how all of us have such different ways of literally doing everything. You know, like, our morning routines are probably totally different, but it's very interesting to me see how everybody changes up, how they deal with certain things. And that'll wrap us up for segment two. This is the BAMA Balance. We'll be back after the break. Wvuafm Tuscaloosa. [00:46:03] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show hosts or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to go contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. [00:46:44] Speaker B: Hey, y'. All, welcome back. As we wrap up our 10th episode, which 10's crazy, it does not feel like it's been 10, but again, it's been a very great episode today. We've had Cameron Morgan on and Cameron, you talked a little bit about the bridge program and kind of how important that was for you. But if you could like, like just to kind of expand on that and talk more about, you know, what that program did for you and what it can do for others and just kind of the merit of it. [00:47:14] Speaker E: I got you. So the bridge program is a first year experience program. You know, they moved out the office, but now it's his own entity right now. So basically it allows for first year, you know, freshmen to come in and get acclimated to campus. So I had the opportunity to come through what we call bridge classes. So basically you have a cohort of, you know, brothers that we call each other. And so basically you'll go through a week of experiences. You get to meet different faculty and staff, you know, around campus. You get to meet, have one on one sessions with different student leaders and kind of get to know about the different opportunities on campus. And so basically it gives you a week and then, then you graduate as a bridge guy. So basically you'll be had the opportunity to become a bridge builder and get involved in as much as you want, really can. So it's basically a first year experience program and it allows. And it meant so much to me because it was my first step into campus. It was my first brotherhood outside of my fraternity that I did my freshman year. But it was another avenue of having that support system and also having a group of guys that on any like anywhere on campus, we're somehow connected. So I know somebody that's in bridge or. Oh, he's in Capstone, men and women. Oh, he's, he was in bridge too. So it's a great opportunity to be well connected to other guys on campus and to also have that network of brothers to talk to. And just to expand on that, my roommate, he's one of my biggest person that I really talk to. And so basically our first year we really wasn't like we would see each other. We was in John England, so we, we was in the dorm room. We'll talk now and then. But it really didn't kick in until like when I started joining my fraternity. And so basically he would always check in on me. And then, you know, once we started moving out and we've been roommates ever since, we always do this pattern of checking in on each other. I will even sometimes bother him, you know, go into his room, knock on, I knock on the door before I go in. But basically I knock on the door and I'd be like, how's your day? Yeah, how you you been? Is, do I need to help? Because having those conversations, asking those three questions, I've noticed it allows us to kind of decompress throughout the day because my, my, my Brother. Carry on. He works a lot. You know, he works on campus, he works on off campus job. He also getting ready to graduate. So I'm always asking him those questions because you never want, you know, an experience to be somebody's last or they never. You never had the opportunity to have that conversation with them and also check on them. So that's one thing we always do with each other. We always check on each other, make sure we're okay. And then sometimes I know I might get on his nerves when I go into his room all the time, but I'm just people oriented. But I think that what the bridge community brought me, I think it was another avenue for that brotherhood outside of my fraternity, but it also connected me with my longtime best friend. [00:50:09] Speaker C: That is fantastic. So those three questions again, Morgan, I think are important. [00:50:14] Speaker E: What were they that you asked was, how are you? Yeah, how's your day? Yeah, I think it was like three or four. How you doing? How's your day? Are you okay? And what can I do to help? [00:50:24] Speaker C: And what can I do to help? I think those are so, like, important questions to ask straight up because we can, you know, we can talk around those questions or ask around those questions, but if we don't ask them directly, it's hard to get direct answers. And I'm glad that you, you do that. I think that's. That's great. [00:50:44] Speaker E: Yeah. Sometimes I wouldn't say he'd be like, oh, I'm okay. And then I wouldn't say, I interrogate him, but I'm like, you know, I. I know you. You're not doing okay. Don't. You don't have to interrogate him too much. But I think it's always. You can always. It's also to be vulnerable, you know, having that brotherhood too, you know, checking on each other. It's an amazing feeling to be able to have that peer to peer relationship and also, you know, have that other support system outside your family. [00:51:12] Speaker C: That's right. Right. No, I love it. I love it. What do you think the bridge program taught you in terms of how to be a man and how to address and how to stay mentally healthy. Right. How to kind of build on your emotional and mental health. [00:51:30] Speaker E: I would say what the bridge program taught me was to basically communicate. Communicate. Like I always, like I talked about before, it's always reaching out. Dr. Somerville, she's one of like the best advocates for us. She's. She's one of the most person that gonna look out for us if we. She don't know what she doesn't know unless we tell her. [00:51:50] Speaker C: Right? [00:51:50] Speaker E: And so she always used to always tell us. She said, let me know, let me know anything, whether you want to, to be involved on campus or you need help. And also that, that also, like I touched on before, is that you're not in this alone, you know. You know, sometimes we come in here like, oh, I can do it on my own. And you know, that's inevitably possible. So reaching out, you know, having that community, you know, let somebody know, you know, what's going on because, you know, a silent, you know what they say. I forgot, what's the saying? Basically, basically you just can't be quiet. You can't close mouth, don't get fed. There we go. So basically you can't not say nothing in this space something in return or you're not gonna know unless we know something. So that community has been amazing and it's just been a brotherhood that I can. Or. And then also with Dr. Summerfield, of course, to have their support systems, you know, outside of the normal support system as a family because we, you know, some of these kids are moving, you know, from different, different parent household, moving from small town, big towns, coming from out of state. So it's a great opportunity to have that support system. And it's always this one takeaway. I would say having a support system is always amazing, right? [00:53:00] Speaker C: No, no, I totally agree. It's a great program. There have been so many things we've been able to talk about today and so many, really so many takeaways. I think, you know, for me the big takeaway about on being man here at the university is that, is that being here at the university and being a college man here at the university can be a great experience. There's so many great things that our guys can be involved with, they can be a part of. But also knowing what it means to potentially get caught up in some of the stereotypes of what being a man should be or ought to be can get in the way of guys seeking help, leaning on friends and checking in on each other sort of in a straightforward manner. I mean, I think those are some valuable take takeaways for me. How for you, Edward? [00:54:09] Speaker B: I mean, yeah, I think it's just the importance of like where your support comes from. Like make sure that you have that good support. And sometimes it's your peers, sometimes it's like a faculty member or someone like at a much like later season in life. But like the resources are there for support. And I think that's just an Important thing to remember as men, like, it's good a or it's okay to not be okay, as Cameron said. And that's, I think, just the kind of the best way to put it. And then like, how do you respond to that is the other important thing. Because you don't want to kind of like understand you're in a bad spot, but then be like, all right, cool, right? You know, I think the, the journey of self improvement and like part of that strength of, of. Of saying that you're not being okay is like part of that strength is okay. How can I try to, you know, where can I seek help? Where can I seek to improve or do better? That's a part of that strength. [00:55:07] Speaker C: Yeah, I would say it really is. How about for you, bro? [00:55:10] Speaker D: I think probably being aware of one, your own surroundings and what you may or may not be doing to disguise stuff that's going on in your mental health and your day to day life, but also other, I feel like if you really look at somebody, you can kind of get a pretty good idea of what they're going through and how they may be dealing with certain things that they may be blind to themselves that you could possibly help them out with. And I mean, after all, I'd want somebody to do the same with me, so that's how I'm going to treat it. And I think that's probably my key takeaway other than, you know, all the stuff y' all have seen said, but that's, that's probably mine. [00:55:52] Speaker C: It's been a great discussion and great to have you. Cameron, join us today on podcast. What was it like for you? [00:55:59] Speaker E: Of course, I'm so appreciative, you know, have this opportunity to come speak with y'. All. And also it's very therapeutic actually, you know, having, you know, those peer to peer conversations, you know, peer to faculty, faculty and staff, you know, conversations. Because, you know, you never, you know, you, you would never not, you know, not understand, you know, other people's perspective, you know, if you don't, you know, have the opportunity to have these conversations, which is amazing, of course. And I think that dishes have, have also helped me, you know, learning to, you know, talk about different topics but also, you know, communicate, you know, and also help towards the initiative and kind of help share the story, you know, you know, and hopefully it can inspire someone and kind of, you know, it can kind of inspire them to, you know, get help or, you know, ask for advice or peer to peer conversation. So it's really been amazing. I'M so thankful to be on the podcast and hopefully I can. Invite me. [00:56:55] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great to have you. What are you doing for fall break? [00:56:59] Speaker E: So I'm going to Houston for conference for mphc. So I'll be down there. It's going to be a fun time. It's is supposed to be a conference but we're gonna have. We're gonna find avenues to go out and enjoy the city. So I'm very excited. This is my second time going to Houston so hopefully I get more time to explore the city. So I'm very excited. [00:57:19] Speaker C: Fun. [00:57:20] Speaker D: Yes, sir. [00:57:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:57:22] Speaker E: Travel to everyone. [00:57:25] Speaker B: This has been a great episode. Thank you all for listening. For those who who have tuned in, this is the Bama Balance real stories about college men's mental health. I am Edward Fountain. [00:57:35] Speaker D: I'm brooks Barbrey. [00:57:36] Speaker C: I'm Dr. Todi Perez. [00:57:37] Speaker E: And I'm Cameron Morgan. [00:57:38] Speaker B: And we will see y' all next episode. [00:57:57] Speaker D: Wvuafm, Tuscaloosa this show was not intended. [00:58:01] Speaker A: As a substitute for professional counseling. Further, the views of opinions and conclusions expressed by the show hosts or their guests are their own and not necessarily those of the University of Alabama, its officers or trustees. Any views, opinions or conclusions shared on the show do not create a relationship between the host or any guest and any listener, and such a relationship should never be inferred. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, please contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective county crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.